Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
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Ok, I think I am officially in a relationship with my Blog now, let me explain:
I was feeling a little torn about what to post today. I am forever guilty of always considering other people’s feelings to the point that I neglect my own. I am learning that I can’t keep doing that.
I realize there are a variety of different readers who visit my blog more and more each day (thanks to Blog Explosion and reciprocal linking) and I’m grateful to them (to you) for visiting me and Pugsley in our little blog-world, especially thankful to those of you who take time to post comments or send emails with words of laughter and support. I think I have those Pug-only fans who just come to see cute pics or movie clips of the ever-adorable Pugsley or to hear the latest story of where my rescue work takes me. Then there are the other readers, family, and friends, maybe a few co-workers who know more or some of “all the other stuff” that goes on in between Pugsley’s loveliness, and I don’t want to disappoint any of them
So, I didn’t want to post another sad entry, I don’t want to be known as the “sad girl” whose blog is too depressing to digest and watch my daily hits counter steadily decline. I wanted to be able to tell you about something way too cute that Pugsley did this morning as I kissed him goodbye and left for work, and I could easily do that because Pugsley is always doing something adorable…but the truth is there are so many bigger, heavier things happening right now, that I almost would feel guilty to make such a trivial post.
Like that my mother’s blood pressure is still up over 200 and the Dr.’s can’t seem to figure out why or exactly how to get it down. Or that tonight after work I have to go say “Goodbye” to my Aunt Barbara who even as I write this may already be gone and instead I will be going to console my Cousins after her passing. Or that as I type this my brother is contemplating having to put one of his beloved dogs to sleep or just hope that she goes naturally when he will have to bury her on the mountain where we grew up, where so many of our other dearly departed family pets are buried. Or that with each and every one of these sad events that happen, my very first impulse is still to run to him for consolation, a tender ear, the voice of friendship, and how I still have to fight every urge to keep myself from contacting him. Which is really sad because that’s how we started out, as friends…Yes, sometimes life can be overwhelmingly sad and there is just no getting around that.
So I find myself in a familiar place, one that I can liken to that turning point you get to in a relationship when you have to decide, do I open up and let them see who I really am? Good, bad, ugly, light, dark, naked, clothed? Or do I play it safe and pretend to be someone I am not, hide things I’m really feeling, because I’m afraid I might scare them off, or that I may get hurt if I open up too much, too soon. Well, I have never been one to be fake and when others have been fake with me, I have always felt cheated and wronged when they have acted one way for a good long year or two until you have already made plans for the future, bought furniture together, and you think your dog has them wrapped so tightly around his curly little tail, that they could never dream of leaving either of you, only to wake up one day and realize, NONE of what you thought about this person was really true. They were just “pretending” to keep the peace, to bide time, to avoid a confrontation, to avoid hurting you (MY ASS), or worse, maybe they were all of those things and then changed because of their own sad circumstances that they couldn’t handle or share or maybe they weren't even being honest with themselves.
I have never really understood that logic. I have always thought it was a complete waste of time to be anything other than who you are, to show your true colors, even if they are not always the prettiest colors of the spectrum. So here it is… if I am being totally honest with myself and my readers, then I will never cheat you or pretend to be something I am not. Oh, there will be days my blog entries will be funny, clever, twisted, days full of irony, entries that are peppered with embellishments, analogies, and metaphors for the sake of making the story more colorful and also to satiate my own artistic hunger. Still, other days they will be boring, and maybe I will lose a couple of you along the way. But I do promise if you stick around there will be lots more Silly Pug Tales to tell, Cute Pics to Post, and MEMES to share. I can also promise that if sadness is happening in my life and you read my blog, then you will definitely hear about that too. Because this Blog, like life, and like relationships, is not always JUST about the “good times”. It won't always be pretty, or easy, or pain-free, or neatly wrapped in a tight package with a shiny red bow, and we won't always see eye-to-eye, but I can promise you that it will always be honest and it will always be real…..thanks for sticking with me.
Kristie commented November 12, 2004 7:43 PM
You put whatever you want in your blog. Use it like a diary. That's what I use my blog for. And I rant too. And a lot of times after I rant I find that I've been deleted from blogrolls, but for me? It's not important how many readers I have. It's about knowing that I have a place to vent and that strangers will read it and maybe even offer me advice on how to feel better.
Lauren commented November 14, 2004 11:39 AM
I totally know what you mean. My pug-blog is a new thing, but it's seperate from my main blog. I actually have a few blogs now. One that my family and friends see which is "tamed down" and has none of the ugly, cursing rants that my main blog does. My pug blog which is, well, my pug blog, lol. :) But my main blog is where I really open up. And since I don't use my real name and try not to reveal where I live, etc., I can really open up and write about my feelings and rant about the things that make me mad. I keep that under a nickname because I would not want my clients to read those rants, or, say, family that does't know me as well as they think they do and would completely take it wrong if they read my rants. I've found that for me, I can't mix people from real life w/ my main blog. It's too... raw. It's like... if I lost my journal and a stranger read it, it wouldn't be nearly as bas or upsetting as if, say, a relative snuck into my bedroom when visiting and read my journal. It's hard to explain. But for me, it's ok if strangers or online friends read my main blog, but not ppl from 'real life'. Everyone's different tho'. But I know what u mean about being torn about what to blog about and what not to. In the end, it is your online journal, it's your website, and you should use it as u see fit. :D
~Lauren
P.S. Hugs to you re. your Aunt and other sad things. I just lost my Uncle to suicide last week, and I know all about the pain, and the hardship of seeing your family torn up and sad. Please hang in there. Email me if you ever need to talk! :)
Janesca commented November 15, 2004 8:45 AM
I'm applauding you Lori, you're finally doing what I think a lot of us have a hard time doing. You always think of others first, and thats what makes you such a good person and a good pug mom. Once in a while you need to think about you and what you need to get out of the things around you. I love reading your blog not just for the Pugsley stuff, but because I can relate to the things that go on in your life. If you ever want to talk about stuff with your family, you know I've been through the mill this past year too. I'll be listening for the fairytale song. :) Keep your chin up and know that no matter what happens you are blessed in so many ways and things WILL get better!
Miss ya!
Lori commented November 15, 2004 9:04 AM
Wow, the words of you all make me feel so much better about what it is I put out there for the world to see. You are 100% right that it is MINE and I should use it the way I see fit. Thanks for the encouraging words and good thoughts you are keeping for me. It's really appreciated more than you know :)
Lauren commented November 15, 2004 10:36 AM
Hi Lori,
I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. My heart goes out to you.
As for you blog, you are the author and you are the one who writes what you want to write. Don't worry so much about what other people think. I know you want to spare some people's feelings and that's very kind of you to think that way but you will not make everyone happy. There will be some people out there that won't agree with you on certain topics or situations.
I really should follow my own advice because I'm like you, and afraid of what people will say or think and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I do have a diary but don't really write it in all the time because I feel like my blog is my diary. I should say what I'm feeling regardless of what people think.
By reading this entry, you have inspired me to go back to why I started blogging in the first place. I myself need not to worry so much about what people think about what I write or my blog. Although everything I write in my blog is the truth and are my true feelings. I have being afraid on certain topics to write and spare someone's feelings.
I'm so glad you wrote this and I will be a faithful reader no matter what you write :)
Lori commented November 15, 2004 11:38 AM
Thank you Lauren! I'm glad I can be an inspiration to someone, LOL. Thank you for remaining a faithful reader, I look forward to your entries too, no matter what they are. Variety is the spice of life :) Hugs
Nicole commented November 15, 2004 12:42 PM
I totally know what you're saying, lately, I feel like all that's going on with me is that the holidays are starting and it's just anothe r reminder of my mom being gone. and blah blah blah funk funk funk. I'm sure my friends don't wanna read that after a while, because the figure i should be over it...then i say to myself, screw that! Your friends read your blog because it's yours...no one can tell you how to feel and what to write about it, let yourself experience emotions as they come...or you might end up as emotionally blocked as those people you mention. You are right to be yourself. I think you can look to your aunt charlotte for proof of that. You certainly cannot pretend forever, eventually hiding your true self catches up with you, no matter how good at pretending you are. You are right in that it's just much easier to be yourself...and to do that in blogging. :)
P.S. I'm really sorry about your aunt and about your brother's pup. They are in my thoughts.
Janet commented November 15, 2004 1:53 PM
Wow!!! I missed this post on Friday and am sorry I did. I understand what you're saying, and am very glad I read this. (((((Lori)))))
Nicholas commented November 16, 2004 11:27 PM
This entry seems like it got a lot off your shoulders. Sharing with the others you know and don't know is a good way to help you vent your problems and help ease some of the overwhelming feeling that sometimes consumes us all. I too understand how you feel about the blog being about anything. I am still coming to understand what the Blog World is truly all about.
Thanks for you help. You've always got a friend in me Lori.
Lisa-Marie commented November 17, 2004 3:33 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt! You and your family are in my thoughts!