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A Wise man once said,
"It's not the destination
but the journey that counts."

And with that in mind, I was inspired
to write down some of the important
things I learned this year.

Things I've Learned in 2004

No matter how much you love, miss, and care for someone, if they have hurt or disappointed you more than they’ve made you happy then it’s time to let go. I know this one may sound obvious but the heart can’t always comprehend what the mind logically knows.

You learn to surround yourself with people who do care about you, who would never hurt or abandon you.

If you’re feeling rage and desire all at the same time, chances are good the thing you are raging and desiring over is not necessarily the grand prize that your inner child thinks it is.

Some of Life’s best surprises happen when you rekindle an old friendship or start a new one.

If you have your health, family, friends, and animals who mean the world to you and you to them, then you have more than most.

If you are involved with a man who is ambivalent to you in any way shape or form, chances are very good that "he is just not that into you". You should walk away and find one who really is into you because you deserve no less.

Intellectualizing and obsessing won’t change the past.

I've learned that there are people who would rather be "right" than be in your life. Would rather win an argument than win your respect.

I’ve learned that getting older isn’t about wrinkles and running out of time. It’s about learning to live with regret, loss and pain. It’s about overcoming insurmountable obstacles and making mistakes because we are human. It’s about not beating yourself up for misplacing your pride or dignity during a mistake of the heart. It’s about taking away a lesson that you carry on and learn not to repeat.

It’s about learning to survive disappointment and unfathomable loss and then coming out on the other side a stronger, more knowledgeable, compassionate, and forgiving person for having gone through it. It’s about perfecting your character and building inner strength because you will need to call upon these tools later on when even worse stuff happens. It’s about training for the great marathon of life.

It’s about learning how to pour more life into your half-empty glass because nobody else will fill it up for you.

You do it for yourself and you do it to honor what was, what never can be again, and what has yet to be in the future.

You realize that you may be the only one who is alone at the holiday party but if you force yourself to go, you will not feel lonely.

If you find yourself unhappy in a situation, don’t get caught up in complaining about it. You take action and make some changes to put yourself into a better situation. This applies to work, relationships, etc. Life is too short to be involved in anything that compromises your quality of life or those around you.

You learn that eventually the songs you once couldn’t bare to listen to (because they conjured up too many painful memories and images) end up becoming your anthem and theme songs. Then one day you catch yourself driving down the road doing the sing-along and you realize you’ve just hit a milestone.

You learn to take things hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week, nurturing your soul in between the milestones.

Your memory starts to return and you recall that you were once a strong, peaceful, glowing spirit to be reckoned with and you learn that you can be again.

I’ve learned that there is no “perfect closure” and that sometimes if you go looking for it in false places to get a temporary "fix" that will only create more sense of loss. It can put you back at square one in the healing process.

I’ve learned that grief has its own rhythm and that there is no set timetable or process for how or when someone recovers from a loss. Everyone has their own way of dealing and healing.

You learn that when it’s too painful to pull out the Christmas ornaments that you purchased together, you have to force yourself to do it anyway. You buy your own tree and you "decorate your own soul”. You string up your own lights without the help of a 6-foot man. You get creative and figure out that you can toss a balled-up string of lights around the back of the tree, walk around and repeat. You make your own traditions and create your own rituals and you learn that while you may wish he was there you don’t actually need him there…

You learn that it will cause you great pangs of sadness to sit alone and stare at the soft flickering lights of the tree that you enjoyed so much year after year as "two". But now you are "one" and you realize that you can’t run or hide from it. You have to plant yourself in front of the tree, invite the pain in and let yourself feel it. You have to own it, embrace it, and make yourself vulnerable to it like it is your best friend or a new lover.

And you learn that in confronting the sadness you can make peace with it. You learn that the tree is a symbol of your strength and independence. You put up the tree because life goes on, and because it pleases the pug.

People who have inspired me this year with their strength and brought me comfort during dark days: Toni, Nicholas, Laura, Juliette, Nicole, Jim G., Linda V., Sean, Amanda, Karen G. Thank you!!