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Salty Dog
April 5, 2005

When Pugsley was around 6 months old prior to being neutered, he had a nasty little habit of humping everything in sight. The floor, his toys, my leg, but there was one thing in particular that he loved to hump more than anything, his pink rabbit. It was bigger than him and he liked to dominate it. It wasn’t just regular playful humping; it was a savage, forceful kind of humping. One of those sites you had to be there to appreciate it. But if you can imagine a 10 pound pug mounting this stuffed toy twice his size, clamping his jaws onto the neck and then ferociously having his way with it. It actually scared me how violent he became with his rabbit so one day I was forced to take it away. I stowed it high up in the closet, it was a very sad day for him.

At the time, I was living with a guy; we’ll call him Gordy, Pugsley’s first Daddy. Gordy thought watching Pugsley savagely hump his toy was just about the funniest thing he had ever seen. I have to admit, it was pretty funny. So one day I’m out at the store and Gordy is home with some friends over. I come back and am horrified to see they are drinking beer sitting around hooting and hollering with laughter watching Pugsley violate his rabbit. It reminded me of that scene in the Accused, when the men were standing there cheering and clapping... I didn’t know how long it had been going on but Pugsley was panting very heavily and was WAY too excited. He was clearly out of control, the same way he got when I would give him a pig’s ear and he would carnally gnaw away at it and growl at me viciously when I tried to take it away. I couldn’t believe they were using my dog for their sick amusement…But you know how men, beer, and humping can often occur. I broke up their twisted little voyeur party and I whisked the pink rabbit away from Pugsley, which he did not give up without a fight.

I started to notice he wasn’t himself, he wasn’t calming down. He was huffing and puffing, hobbling around and letting out whimpers, the dog was in pain. Upon further inspection, I could see that he had a full-blown doggie erection that would not go back down. It hurt him and it wasn’t funny anymore. Of course these things only happy on Sunday afternoons when the vet’s office is closed. “Gordy!!” I balked at him, “Get the phone” Gordy was loaded and still cracking up behind a concerned facade, he was no help at all.

Almost 2 hours had passed before the Dr. returned my page and Pugsley still had a full-on dog boner, he was whimpering and walking with a limp. Dr. Howell called and I had to explain to him how Pugsley was humping his toy violently and could not get rid of his erection. “Hmmm, Yes, well, I see, well the animal is suffering but there is something you can do to help alleviate his discomfort”. I took a big gulp knowing this could not be good. “Do you have any table salt in the house?” “You mean like Mortons?” “Yes, you need to take some salt and rub it on his penis until the erection subsides. “ He said in a very professional and serious manner. “So, I...I just pour salt on it and rub it in? “Yes, pour salt on and gently massage it onto the shaft, do this and repeat as often as necessary until you see the erection begin to dissipate. Give it a try and call me back in a half an hour if it doesn’t work.” I hung up the phone in disbelief, was he for real? He wants me to rub salt on Pugsley’s pee pee?
“Gordy!!! You did this, you are going to rub salt on his erection, not me!” Gordy was now doubled over in laughter and not even functioning. With a steel resolve, I had to take over and act fast. “Get me the salt and hold him down!” Gordy pinned a squirming and squealing Pugsley down so his belly was up in the air and his erection was pointing straight at me. It was bright red like all the blood in his poor little body was concentrated in that one area. I opened the spout to the salt and poured it on. I squinted my eyes and half looked away. Instead of rubbing the salt in, I first sort of dabbed it on gently with my fingers and waited, nothing! The whole thing felt very wrong. More salt!! This time I was more determined, it was no time to wimp out. I rubbed the salt in and massaged it as the Dr. had instructed and I just told myself it was for his own good, for his well being. Pugsley was just looking up at me with Big Loving eyes. Gordy was near peeing his pants at this point, but I was just happy to see the erection was starting to go down and he was no longer suffering.

Who would have known that salt on a dog’s erect penis would make it creep back into it’s little foreskin shell. The next day, I snuck the rabbit out to the dumpster so Pugsley couldn’t see. I also had Gordy call to schedule Pugsley’s neuter. And when the day came I made Gordy take Pugsley in and pick him up so that he would never associate me with emasculating him. No, he would always remember me as the one who rubbed salt on his pee pee to save him from the most painful erection of his life. The things we do for love.

Posted by Lori on April 5, 2005 7:30 AM permalink



Toni commented April 5, 2005 11:05 AM

This definitely gives new meaning to being a HORN DOG!!



Nicole commented April 5, 2005 3:30 PM

i have done this for dogs that are not mine at TWO, count them TWO occasions, working at the doggie daycare. Rubber gloves and vaseline are the way to go. It got to happen so often, these male dogs getting excited on vacation we kept supplies on hand. It's scary, but still funny, it a sick gross way. oh, and we call it "lipstick."



Lauren commented April 6, 2005 12:45 PM

Oh my, this story is too funny...Sorry but it is. You are a great mommy to do that for him :)



Nicholas commented April 6, 2005 9:58 PM

Sometime we have to do what we have to do. I can see how there might be some humor in the story, but if you look at it from another point of view, Puggy needed help and at least someone was there to help him. I'd do the same for Hunter, he's your pet, your child, a part of you life, you do what you have to. Great Job Lori. I'd trust my life in your hands.



Dianna commented April 7, 2005 12:20 AM

I almost peed in my pants reading your story. Funny and I can relate. Pugola did the same thing and I paged my vet too. I thought he was bleeding! I was so embarassed trying to explain how the lipstick was WAAAAY out of the tube. He suggested the vaseline trick. It worked magic. But the vet warned that sometimes dogs can get fabric threads, hairs, etc. inside and cause an infection. Luckily I didn't have that to happen. I've never tried the "salt peter" trick, but I'll take note.



Lisa-Marie commented April 7, 2005 1:03 PM

That was hilarious, but poor little Pugsley! You're such a good mama to him!



itsy commented April 9, 2005 8:58 PM

Oh my!! That is too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor guy. Poor you!


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