Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
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I've never been one of those type A personalities, like an over achiever go-getter fanatic who has to have everything just so. I don't maintain a spotless house, have a fear of public toilets (although I do have an irrational fear of urinals) or have to wash my hands 40 times to feel clean. But lately I've been developing some of those tendencies. A touch of OCD where I get obsessed with things and can't let them go. I will spend 2 hours on a Sunday afternoon hunting for Four Leaf Clovers until my knees are raw from crawling on the grass. Or a good 45 minutes rummaging through the bargain bin at Walmart, searching for $5.50 DVD's because I am convinced that all the good ones are buried at the bottom. It's the same way with working in my garden, picking crusties out of Pugsley's wrinkles, and hitting the refresh button on my web browser and email programs. The more something eludes me or seems out of my grasp, the more ferocious I become at attaining it.
The worst of these obsessions is my writing. It doesn't matter if I'm working on a book, screenplay, a poem, or a Blog entry. I will write, read, edit, re-read, and re-edit repeatedly until I feel the piece is perfect, but it never is in my mind. There is always a line that just doesn't sound quite right or a word that is escaping me so I have to settle for a similar word but not THE word that would tie the whole sentence or paragraph together into some grander context. I can read something I wrote 6 years ago and I still want to do rewrites or edit a word or two out. I remind myself of a mad scientist. There is often pacing and chain smoking involved. It's reaching new heights with my exercising now. Even though I've been working my ASS off for the last 3 months and I look like this right now:
It's still not enough. I look at myself in the mirror and what I see is big hips and flaws that I want to fix. I don't judge others or even notice any of their imperfections, it is only myself that I'm this tough on. Now, I know you will tell me I'm crazy and I'll take a lot of heat for this post, but I'm not fishing here for any "You look great" comments. I know that I look good but I also know that I can look better. The same way that I know if I keep searching, someday I will find my Four Leaf Clover.
Bob commented June 14, 2005 12:10 PM
Damn girl!! you've got NOTHING to worry about. but having the desire to want to better oneself is not a bad quality to have. keep up the good work!
Toni commented June 14, 2005 1:15 PM
I have to agree with Bob -- you are looking great! I'm like you though -- tend to overanalyze and focus on the one or two flaws. The keyword is PERFECT and is anyone perfect -- even those enhanced by plastic surgeons probably still find flaws. I think it's a woman's nature.
Nicole commented June 14, 2005 1:25 PM
as i said in im to you...holy shit! you do look great. I am glad you got me into southbeach. I like being 10 pounds lighter, now if i could just get my stomach to look like yours...i can't wait till school is over so i can go to the gym even more!
Janesca commented June 14, 2005 1:31 PM
Come now Toni, we all know that Im perfect.. HAHAHAHA! I've decided when it comes to exercise, diet, and my body that Im going to do what I can do and leave it at that. Roll with the punches and stop beating myself up all the time. I actually am much more successful when I dont look at exercise as work. The problem I have is when Im actually exercising, if I'm alone, I get that endorphin rush and then I dont know when to stop. So I end up with jello legs etc. I shouldnt complain because at least Im doing something, which is much better than the excuses that I was creating before.
Most people flood their thoughts with negative all day long and hardly ever give themselves props for a job well done. Im not saying go out and reward yourself with ice cream every time you work out, but a mental pat on the back may be in order. Balance is always a good thing. Everyone can always be better, faster, smarter, thinner. But just make sure that you dont lose sight of the most important one.. being Happier!
Lauren commented June 14, 2005 9:16 PM
I think everyone finds something about themselves that is not good enough. I think you look GREAT! and I could tell you that you don't need to do anything else but I won't because to you, you are the one that thinks you need improving. I get the same heat from other's saying you don't need to lose weight or work out as much as you do but to me, I think I do and that's just me.
As for the editing your past entries, I can only imagine what you think of my writing...LOL! I suck, I know that ;)
ScallyWag commented June 16, 2005 12:42 PM
First of all, you do look great! What exactly are you trying to achieve? I'm asking because I guess I don't see what you see. And second, stop playing the "scale game". You'll know when your clothes fit better. That's all you need.