Lately, I’ll be sitting at work, in traffic, or at the doctor’s office waiting. And I catch myself constantly chewing gum, sucking on pens and straws, or biting my nails. Even the biting sarcasm of my words has become an oral fixation that’s reached new heights. Anything I can lick, suck, nibble, gum, bite, or chew. And it always ends in a thought of you.

Only it’s never a happy ending. Is it my Dear? It’s an unquenched thirst, an unrealized desire. My appetite for everything has grown out of control. There is an abysmal emptiness that I’m trying to fill. It’s so strong that I have to keep checking the corners of my mouth to make sure there are no visible signs of panting or frothing that might give me away. That somebody might see exactly what you’ve done to me.

I’m at the party now, standing over the buffet table feeling wolfish inside. Waiting my turn with a deep seeded hunger that centuries of time will never be long enough to satiate. I’m staring at the spread lain out before me, a banquet of colors, textures, and smells. A veritable feast for the senses and I am overwhelmed with a ravenousness desire to taste, realize, consume, swallow. To nourish that part of me that hungers for you.

But there is someone else ahead of me in line. She is lingering there selfishly over the smorgasbord of my want. I get anxious that she is taking so long. I'm filled with an impatience almost as unbearable as the hunger welling up inside. I watch her taking repeatedly from that which I crave more than the basic human urge to feed. I fear she will take so much that there won’t be enough leftover to gratify my needs…

Then finally it is my turn, the moment I have been waiting for but concealing in secret gluttony. As hungry as I am, I don’t dive right in. I start out soft and slow. Gently I begin to imbibe and nibble with controlled, temporal movements from hand to mouth, letting just the tip of my finger graze ever so lightly onto the wetness of my lips. Pressing them there for a moment, letting a throaty moan of pleasure escape after the first taste…Mmmmmm

I tease myself with just a cold appetizer or two, knowing full well that lingering over each sublime stroke and juicy sampling will only compliment the next flavor as it flickers on just the tip of my tongue, a couple times before I let it enter my mouth fully. When the chilled ration meets the wetness of my hot breath, it melts upon entry and liquefies, making it easier for me to swallow.

The slow, deliberate taunting and teasing builds up my already mountainous greed. Eventually it will take me over when it’s time for the main course that I want more than anything else in the world. My yearning begins to swell and engorge. But I know how much greater it will satisfy me if I can make it last just a little while longer. Yeaaahhhh....

I try to pace myself….but now that I’ve had a little taste, it's made me crazy for more. I move to another part of the table to partake of a different course. I pause for a moment savoring its warm soft texture and luscious shape. I want to consume every inch of it sucking, swallowing, sloshing around in my mouth, lapping up the juices, building and building until my body temperature rises and I start to lose control....

My appetite has reached its voracious peak….I am fixated on the yearning to overindulge. Intoxicated by the tastes, flavors and scents leaking out, dripping onto my hands as I navigate them to my lips, now filling me, feeding me..savoring every drop until it becomes more urgent, frantic, then slow, faster and steadier, more and more. Pressure mounting harder and wetter about to erupt in the final feast of lips and flesh, hands and hair, salivating and savoring every last bite of delicious fever until the great release explodes in my mouth and fills me so full that I can't take anymore… Yummmmmmm....I might need a smoke to help me digest it all..