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Words
October 4, 2005

The power of words always amazes me. If the eyes are a window to the soul, then words must be the doorway. The right word formed in the right sentence can make me weep or laugh out loud. I delight in taking words and building anecdotes, embellishing nonfiction that longs to be told. My past that begs to leave a trace with lines, hard hitting lines that deliver an uppercut punch and left hook to the gut. Words transfer thought to paper, infuse wisdom, gain trust. Words can make you sane and words can drive you nuts.

I’ve delivered words in eulogies and sent thoughtful emails to friends. I’ve decorated holiday cards with stamps, stencils, and pens. Colored cardboard cut-out paper with fancy scissor edging, glistening gold calligraphy markers outlined with my prose. I’ve utilized words to write my way through pain in my private journals that nobody else knows. I’ve used words to provide laughter and teaching to a toddler, to bring cheer to a bereft friend. I’ve wielded words like a sword to wound and punish. And then I’ve used words of atonement to make amends.

The words I’ve used to comfort Pugsley with my funny little voice that to him is home. It makes me sad that he no longer hears all of my words. So I’ve taken to exaggerated facial gestures, hand signals, and tone. Words replaced with gentle guiding to warn against other dog’s growling and approaching car engines. All the sounds that can no longer be heard. Like, “My Sweet Little Sausage” and "What a Good Boy!" But it hasn’t stopped me from speaking the words.

I’ve repeated words like anthems, mantras to keep my spirit alive. Spoken Holy words aloud in mass at Five. Words of Gospel, words of hymn. Acts of Contrition, forgiveness for sin. “Lord Have Mercy, Christ Have Mercy.” I’ve recited the Our Father and the Apostles' Creed more times than I can reveal. “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and I shall be healed”.

I’ve used words to negotiate contracts and close business deals, to make other men rich but never saw a dime. I've used words to make a swift end, to cut and run and also to bide time. I’ve used them to terminate, ruminate, resonate, to heal. Words I’ve whispered into the sweet ears of lovers, dreamy pillow talk on a rainy Sunday morning. Words to woo suitors, to show them I'm for real.

I’ve given up entire days to speak only in Shakespearian tongue and write Elizabethan verse. Words of comedies and tragedies, plays I’ve rehearsed. One word spoken by a man can make me weak in the knees or gush in anticipation. Words that beseech. I’ve seen more heartfelt words spoken silently in a glance than could ever be conveyed as powerfully with speech.

The hardest words for me are the words that never arrive. Writers block, a missed birthday, a boy who's too busy to call and say, "hi". The doctors office with test results, a prospective employer after an interview. The empty words are enough to make me go numb. I’ve sat by the phone hanging on hope against hope -- only for those words to never come. The worst of words are those that never have a chance to be said. The words that get filed away forever with regret.

I wonder what words my future has in store. Words on paper, words in print. Words on deeds, more words of repent. Wonderful words I’d given up hope of ever hearing. Baby's first words, words in church I’ve yet to speak. Words that make you strong, words that make you weak. Words that bring sorrow, words that bring fright. Words when the phone rings at 4:00 am like a thief in the night. Words that make you laugh, words that make you cry. Words of truth, words of lie. Words of hello, words of goodbye. Words that dance, and words that die.

Posted by Lori on October 4, 2005 11:27 PM permalink

 

 

jcf8366 commented October 4, 2005 7:04 AM

Your eloquence, never ceases to amaze me, you are such a gifted writer :)

 

 

Janesca commented October 4, 2005 8:49 AM

Do not doubt.. When the time is right you'll hear the words that will make you run and give a Happy Hannukah shout!

Ok.. so I cant rhyme as well as you, but hopefully that at least put a smile on your face.

 

 

NICHOLAS commented October 10, 2005 9:06 AM

This entry made me really think a lot about how powerful words can truly be. Then can cause you to be overwhelmed with wonderful emotions. Yet on the other hand, they can destroy you in a moment. I feel you should always speak your mind, so that you'll never have to look back and say there are words that were never said to the the person they were intended for. They in turn may have words that you will never hear unless you utter what you feel inside. Listen to your heart.

 

 

ScallyWag commented October 10, 2005 10:19 AM

Just catching up on all your blog entries--

Rayna and I called you Friday, but obviously at the wrong number. We called to say the word, "HI", and to tell Pugsley we love him.

maybe it was 350?

Adios!

 

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