Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
« Christmas Wrap Up | Main |
“There's beauty in the patterns of life.”
In March 2003 we lost a beloved member of the family. My SL’s younger brother, Jason. I can only Blog about it now because it’s taken all this time for the wounds to heal. Not that they will ever really heal for Jason’s family - his Mom, Dad, Sisters, and extended family and friends. Because once you know a Quality Human, your life can never be the same.
Jason Robert Rothe 1975-2003
You often see SL’s comments here and should know for the sake of this story that SL has multiple meanings” Sister in Law, Sister Lori, and others that can’t be repeated in a public forum. SL you see, is one of my oldest dearest friends in the wide world. She and I share the same name among other things. Lori and Laurie. I used to sleep over her house and watch Jason run around in his Spiderman underoos. And she used to sleep over my house and watch my older brother run around in his shorts. As it happens, SL ended up marrying eldest brother years later. Must have been the shorts! Life was good for a long while. Our two families commingled, meshed, we holidayed and barbequed together. Jason, SL, and I even worked together at the e-tailer Outpost.com. It seemed like everything had come full circle and was as it should be.
Jason was many things to his SL: her Sibling, her cheerleader, her strength, humor, character, her soul shine, a Quality Human. In March 2003 something happened to take it all away. A horrible car crash. And just like that, Jason was gone. So tragically, so unexpectedly. I worried for a long time that SL may never be the same. She was suffering in wicked heart pain and I felt like I couldn’t reach her. But I also knew how strong she was and I knew in my heart that she would use all those strengths and qualities that Jason bestowed on her. In her own time, on her own rhythm of grief, with her own patterns of life.
I knew that she would find peace in honoring him which is what I’ve watched her do everyday in everyway for the last 2.75 years. It wasn't that long ago she honored him with the Sibling tattoo. And it lays peace to my own heart because I know that if anything ever happens to me, SL will honor me in the way that is true to me, my spirit, and the way I lived my life.
Now let me tell you something about SL. About her determination and conviction and passion to honor the memory of her brother. About October this year she got it in her head that for Christmas gifts to her parents she would make memory quilts for her brother. The woman had never sewn a stitch before in her life save for a lone button in junior high Home Ec. Class that fell off the coat 2 days later.
The memory Quilt fabrics consisted of the contents of Jason’s clothing. His old t-shirts and pants, logos from his favorite baseball and football teams. Places he’s worked, casino’s he’d visited. SL started the Quilts in early November. Quite an undertaking for someone who’d never quilted or operated a sewing machine before. I watched her toil and stress like an obsessed artist for weeks wondering if she would pull it off in time. Planning and Prep began in mid October. Cutting started the 1st week of November and sewing started in mid November. I was there to document the progress and lend my moral support. SL had help from friends but she did most on her own. But she had love on her side and passion in her heart. Miraculously, both quilts were finished on 12/23 at 2PM.
These quilts were made with love
From fabrics of Jason's life
To have and to hold
To wrap you in comfort
To remember with love
A Quality Human Being
Jason Robert Rothe
1975-2003
Unfortunately I wasn’t there when SL’s Mom and Dad opened up their quilts but I hear it was very emotional and there were a lot of tears of memories and joy. For today’s entry, I’m turning the Blog comments over to SL, friends and family to tell the rest of the story. For me, this entry is as much about honoring SL for the Quality human that SHE is, as it is to honor the Quality human that Jason was and always will be.
Click to see How to Make an American Quilt
Janesca commented January 21, 2006 07:09 PM
What a beautiful idea! Im so impressed with her handiwork, she did a wonderful job honoring her brother's memory. Can't ask for a better sibling than that! I think we all hope that someday when we're gone that our family and friends will remember us fondly. Laurie has gone above and beyond and Im sure her brother is proud of her each and every day.
Toni commented January 21, 2006 07:10 PM
I'm speechless...SL, you are truly a wonderful person.
SL commented January 21, 2006 07:11 PM
Thanks for lending this forum and for the beautiful words. I'm glad I'll be able to share the pictures with everyone. I'm currently at work so I can't say all I want to say at the moment but I'll log in a bit later and do just that. I've sent the link to a few friends so I'm sure you'll be having some visitors. Meantime, Janesca and Toni -- thanks for your kind words too -- they mean a lot!
Deb Lily commented January 21, 2006 07:13 PM
As usual, you have found an amazing and touching way to remember Jason.
Knowing him - he is grinning from ear to ear - incredibly honored - and laughing heartily!
I know that his death is something that you will never be over, but you manage to keep him alive in our memories & hearts, and that should bring you great pride and comfort.
One of my favorite memories - the same day he got the Eclipse he let me drive it around the parking lot at Outpost with the top down. As I've always wanted a convertible, this was a fabulous experience for me and one I will always cherish. He had a generosity of spirit and heart that was extinguished much too soon. However, in the short time he was among us, he touched many. Your brother is a gem!
I hope 2006 brings all good things to you.
Deb
Lori commented January 21, 2006 07:13 PM
I have a lot of favorite memories of Jay, like when he was a little boy running around the house looking just like Ralphie from a Christmas Story. But as an adult, there was the time when I ran into him and your mom at “Hold the Pickle” and they invited me over to join them for lunch. We sat outside and his “lunch” turned into a 3 hour lunch session where we sat out on the deck and he told me all about his numerous road trips on the Minor League baseball circuit, especially the Vegas trips! He was very passionate about baseball and had just gotten the Eclipse. It was shiny and black sitting right under the deck next to us and he was so happy and proud, beaming! I’ll always remember him like that. The two of us just shooting the breeze on a lazy summer afternoon on the deck ;)
It was truly a "Carpe' This" moment!
Dez commented January 21, 2006 07:14 PM
OK I’m seriously crying! That is the most amazing thing I have ever heard of anyone doing! And your sister in law has me (still crying) in tears. You are so lucky to have so much love in your life! Thanks for sharing Laura! Hope you and your family had a wonderful holiday!
Susan commented January 21, 2006 07:14 PM
I am truly honored to be Laurie and Jason's aunt. I watched them grow into adults from babies. They spent many hours at my house so I have a lot of memories. Jason and my son Eddie were friends as well as cousins. It broke my heart when Jason died and to see his family in so much agony. His memory makes us smile now. Time has softened the edges somewhat. Laurie, this is a great gift you have made to your parents. Love Aunt Susan
SL commented January 21, 2006 07:15 PM
Now that I'm out of work I have more time to share and to tell the story...
There are fabrics here that could tell a million stories...moments of time weaved in and out. As Lori mentioned baseball and football proudly on display, whether they won or lost -- it didn't matter.
Memories:
Outpost.com evokes a lot. Lunch at the diner. Stopping for drinks after work. A drop-in at my desk. Deliveries of M&M's and the latest "Intelligent Exchange" to be had. Halloween Rasta Dude & Hippy Chick enjoying their moment in front of the camera on Halloween (One of his favorite holidays!). A moment to chuckle about Mello Rello's latest boss moment with me. So much more...
Carpe (Seiz) this... his way of poking fun at the intellects in the crowd and being a tad bit offensive. Jason Offensive -- NOT! (lol) One that didn't make it on either quilt because I selfishly horded it was a "Bite Me" shirt that I got for him in Hilton Head Island SC. Same type of humor...same type of fun. He loved it, as did I. I wore it to his services beneath my clothes.
Giants - The Giants shirts were tough to do on both quilts. One of my best big sister moments was shortly after I was able to drive. The NY Giants came to Danbury CT and I could not wait to bring him. The look on his face when he met LT is something I will never, ever forget. He shook Lawrence Taylor's hand and talked about it for weeks. I got him a calendar and he had it autographed. With the help of my former inlaws he got to see one of his first Giants games. I'm thankful for that.
Grainger - I remember the day he called me and said "Sib, I was wondering if you could do me a favor. I want this job and I want them to hire me but there really isn't a position open yet..." I told him to get his resume together. Write down 3 reasons he wanted to work there and 3 reasons they would want him to work there. Long story short HE got that job because HE wanted it and when HE set his mind to do something HE could nearly do anything. His friends served as good cheerleaders and mentors too and took the time to offer up their advice and counsel.
Ravens -- New Haven Ravens have now moved on from our area but Jason and his buddy Chris attended lots of games back in the day. One of Jason's favorite past times was watching them and just about any other MINOR LEAGUE baseball game. In Jason's eyes the Yankees had betrayed him with their past strike. He attended a few Mets games (one in particular with his other buddy Chris comes to mind where socks were handed out. I sent some to Chris this year at Christmas but his true blessing will be his son that is due anytime now (Congratulations Daddy Frade!)).
Las Vegas -- Sin City pretty much says it all. Isn't their motto what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? -- something like that anyway. It's for the best. I know a few of the (horror) stories, oops I mean stories and that is enough. :) Seriously though, it was a place he loved. He had considered moving out to AZ and shared a piece of the dream with me by showing me a brochure. It was heaven. It's a place I like to imagine him enjoying now.
ACDC - Not enough could ever be said about this shirt. It's funny when the band first came out my cousin Shari and I played it non stop, had our own shirts and he rolled his eyes at us everytime we would scream "I've got big balls" with all our might. He poked fun of some of my other favorites too. Funny how they became part of his collection as well. Nothing topped ACDC for him though. There are ironic times when it seems to get air play these days -- whether it is wishful thinking on my part or not. I love how just when I / We need it, it plays. Shane knows what I'm talking about.
The blue shirt next to the ACDC shirt is a bit hard to read but it says Long Beach Island. You can easily tell it was a favorite and it matched his beautiful blue eyes perfectly. There's a lot to be said about this shirt too but I will leave most of it for other people. From what I recall however it is a "puke" shirt -- Jason never rolled with the waves too well -- seasick. :)
Next Quilt (Dad's)
LITB - Might leave you wondering -- it stands for Life In The Balance.
Another Giants and ACDC shirt because once again it proved some of his passions.
The next row surpised me. I hadn't realized just how "patriotic" his shirts were (and I cut a little too close on another one that said "United We Stand" so it doesn't appear here) but I knew my brother had that in him. He was very outspoken about 911 and more. In several pictures he is shown in front of the Twin Towers and I know Jo has one...perhaps she can offer up more...I do recall him sending a funny email about the numeric coincidences someone had forwarded involving 911 and he basically left me laughing so hard my stomach hurt with his stomping the theory right into the ground.
I worked with my Sib at a lot of places -- Morey's, CDT, IntelliData and finally Outpost.com there are many shirts from those times and memories too numerous to get in to.
Some of the smaller patches you can't see are pants that he wore. A shirt he wore at my wedding when he walked me down the "aisle" to my husband along with my father. A shirt he wore when he and my sister and I got our pictures taken for my mom and my dad in our later years (thank god for that!) Shirts given to him from Christmas' past.
You also really can't see that there's a one inch border around the outside but there is. That fabric I purchased and I wasn't quite sure what had drawn me to it until the very next day... peacocks, it reminds me of the peacocks we used to visit when we were little at HarryBrooke Park.
Many people have said it must have been hard for me making this quilt. Truth is, it would have been harder if I hadn't. I was given so many precious gifts...
A brother to honor
Parents I wanted to give it to
Memories I could reach out and touch
And the ability to some how put some of the pieces back together again with a little help from my friends
I know this is long-winded and in a sense I guess you could call it a bit more of "Laurie's therapy" or you could call it "honoring Jason" and having my "family benefiting" by the thoughts it provokes. Be well, share yourself and your love today -- never wait for tomorrow.
SL commented January 21, 2006 07:16 PM
Auntie Susan,
I love you for being you! Thanks for sharing...and my favorite memory of you and Jason is the "blueberry /cheese incident" :)
Love, Laurie
SL commented January 21, 2006 07:16 PM
I meant to add this as my first comment entry. I passed along an email to a few friends sharing this with them but wanted to display it here for when Mom and Dad come to visit, so here goes:
Hi all,
For those of you that may not recall my plan was to make "memorial quilts" in honor of Jason for my parents. They're done!
I wanted to pass along this link http://www.pugsplace.com so that you could all see the "Quality Human Quilts". The purple one belongs to Mom and the green one belongs to Dad. If you don't see it right away search for a link that says: "How to Make an American Quilt".
My sister-in-law Lori has me a bit choked up reading the intro but I really want you all to see the quilts so if you can't take the writing don't read it and scroll down. Thank you Lori for making it easier for me to share this with everyone and your words have touched my heart.
Thanks to Kim and Helen -- my quilting mentors and sanity checkers. Thanks to countless others that contributed their advice and confidences. Thanks to my husband for being you, being patient, living with the sacrifices of "no dinner nights" and for your countless pep talks and having faith. (glad you did :)
Most importantly, thanks to my "Sib" for once again, as always in past, present and in the future for being my inspiration to succeed at something, anything. As strange as it sounds I heard him cheering me on.
Finally to mom and dad, thanks for giving me the best brother a girl could have asked for. I do shed tears because he's gone from here in my every day life but then again I proudly smile because I was blessed to call him brother and he lived.
I should also mention that my Aunt Beany generously donated some fabrics that didn't make it onto the purple quilt but I can assure you -- pinwheels will be seen in the near future.
Love, Laurie P.S. If you wish to comment please do on the blog so that my mom and dad can see it later. There is a link on the front page a little off to the right beneath the link to the additional pictures. Thanks!
Toby commented January 21, 2006 07:16 PM
Laura,
They left me speechless!
They are absolutely beautiful!
TOBI
Andrea (aka Drea) commented January 21, 2006 07:17 PM
Lori -
Thank you so much for sharing and so beautifully written.
Laura-
Your strength, courage, and determination are qualities all wish to have. You are an amazing women and through you, Jason will forever live among his sister, family and friends. Always thinking of you.
Lisa commented January 21, 2006 07:17 PM
Hey Laura,
The quilts really came out great! Congratulations!
Lisa
Patt commented January 21, 2006 07:18 PM
wow !! they came out beautiful. I can't believe how many blocks you did, all the pieces in-between, truly you are a miracle worker . well done...
Patt
Chris commented January 21, 2006 07:19 PM
Laurie,
The quilts came out beautiful. Isn't it amazing how much he still inspires us. This must have been very difficult for you to do emotionally and physically. (As for the latter, I know what it's like to try to get a sewing machine to do what you want it to do) You truly captured Jay's spirit in these two quilts. You should be so proud, I'm sure he is very proud of you. Your Mom and Dad should be beeming with pride at how their kids turned out to be quality humans.
I have to say I'm a little jealous of the sibling relationship you guys had. My brother will probably be happy when I die and not think of me ever again.
Jason was the coolest guy, best friend, funniest and smartest (smartass?)person I've ever known. Thank you so much for keeping his spirit alive.
One more thing that I want to be seen on the web. A conversation Jay and I had that I've shared with you and want to share again and again.
Jay-"Happy Birthday Punk. Sucks getting closer to 30 don't it." Me-"Yeah, I thought I would have been a little more successful by now." Jay-"Yeah, me too. Screw it though, I've got family that Loves me, really good friends and I drive a cool car. Things are good."
Take care.
Your little bro of sorts,
Chris
Casey commented January 21, 2006 07:19 PM
Laurie and Lori -
Thanks for sharing such a personal, touching family story. Laurie - your quilts are beautiful and I am sure your brother would be proud!
Casey
Carol commented January 21, 2006 07:19 PM
They are beautiful, I miss him, it’s good to see his face again, and love the use of the shirts, how him, I know he is loving it and laughing. Glad he’s there to keep an eye on you. Hope all is well with you and you have a great New Year!!
All the best
Love
Carol
Lauren commented January 21, 2006 07:20 PM
Laurie,
What a beautiful honor you have done...this is amazing. I'm actually in tears right now...this is so touching.
Much Hugs!
Lauren
Charlie commented January 21, 2006 07:20 PM
the email on the quilts was very thoughtful and well thought out . you cant put a price
tag on gifts like that. it was the first thing your mother showed me when i
got there. nice job. see ya soon cfh
Cous Shari commented January 21, 2006 07:21 PM
Great Job. They look great. Your Mom and Dad must of loved them.
Laney commented January 21, 2006 07:21 PM
Wow!!!!!!!!!
What a beautiful way to honor Jason!!
I can't believe the talent you pulled out of a hat! Absolutely amazing! You must be so proud of yourself! I am teary eyed thinking of the reactions your mom and dad must have had on Christmas! You are such a great person!
Soon to be Daddy Frade commented January 21, 2006 07:22 PM
Wanted to share this here too. This message is a reply pertaining to an earlier comments post regarding Mets socks and a story behind it. Where's that baby?!!?!
Hi Laurie,
I just wanted to say thanks. I got the socks last night. I must say they are sooooo much better quality than the crappy socks Jay and I got at shea stadium that night so long ago. I never wore mine but they fell apart in my drawer over the years and lord knows where they are now. Thank you for thinking of me when you saw them. Receiving them made me think about that night and how exciting it was. Your Dad, Jay and I riding off to Brewster in the old Bronco to catch a train. My first time on a real train! My first time to Manhattan. Jay and I having the best pizza I ever had or will ever have right outside Grand Central. First ride in a Taxi(big mistake during rush hour). We cheered on our team and had a blast. And I never forget him looking like the biggest dork in the world wearing his Mets hat, Mets shirt, Mets shorts, Mets socks and waving a Mets pennant. He knew he looked like he got into a fight with a sporting goods store but he loved it and lived it up.
Thanks Laurie,
You made my day,
Chris
P.S. - Still no baby. He's due tomorrow and all is still well. Wish me luck.
Aunt PI Bean commented January 21, 2006 07:23 PM
Princess,
The quilts turned out beautiful. What a great job! Your friend has a great site and it was nice of her to feature the quilts so everyone could see and comment on the wonderful job you did. Jay Jay bird was probably watching you frantically trying to get those done in time. Nanny was probably with him cracking her corny jokes about all the hard work you were doing. I have no doubt about that at all. I'm sure Donna and Harry were touched a great deal. They are very lucky to have you. All the comments and stories are very moving (I know have racoon eyes from my mascara running) gee thanks...
Love
The youngest aunt you have out of all the other much older aunts you have, BEAN