I was supposed to go see the Holistic Veterinarian tonight but he needed to reschedule for tomorrow evening instead. Last night I went to see the Veterinary Oncologist for a second opinion. Remember my regular vet told me he wouldn’t recommend chemo or radiation on Pugsley because of the type of cancer and location and age. I was almost relieved when he told me that because it was not a decision I wanted to have to make.

I have been waiting until Pugsley healed from his back to back surgeries before scheduling the consultations. Even though I had already sort of made up my mind that I wouldn’t put Pugsley though chemo, I felt it wise to speak to the cancer specialist to investigate what all of the options are. He gave me the complete opposite advice as my regular vet. Of course he did, this is his specialty field and he was quick to debunk all of the cancer myths in dogs. Quick to disregard all of the advice I’ve received from other pet owners who put their dogs through painful grueling rounds of chemo treatments only to lose them shortly thereafter making their last couple months sickly and miserable and something they still to this day, regret. He was visibly “annoyed” with me when I mentioned that I heard this or read that. He likened alternative holistic treatments to “placebo effect” and “Venus flytrap therapy”. I did not care for his “my way is the only way” attitude but I digressed because after all, I was not there for his delivery of information, I was there for the facts and the medical options.

I asked all the hard questions about the Grade 3 and I didn’t like all of the answers. Particularly did not like the life expectancy both with and without chemo. I won’t lie to you, both are bleak. So bleak that I don’t care to darken the pages of my blog with the statistics. I heard him out about the chemo treatments and what they involve in terms of side effects. He was insistent that only a small percentage of dogs that have chemo experience any bad side effects that make them ill. I had to hear him out even though I didn't like it because he is highly accredited in this particular field. He answered all of my questions and sent me home with a stack of literature that describes it all in detail. I read it tonight and what I saw was that a lot of the literature he handed me contradicts some of the things he said.

In the literature it reads:

“Although no chemotherapy drugs appear to be highly effective against these tumors, several studies suggest that cyclophosphamide, vinblastine and prednisone may prolog life in some dogs. Chemotherapy can be beneficial in treating metastasis since it is a systemic treatment.”

What does that mean exactly? It means that for Grade 3 MCT that has spread into the organs like the stomach, liver, and spleen, he would recommend chemo in 90% of those cases as the best treatment option.

Also in the literature it elaborates about the side effects. Remember he told me most dogs never experience any bad side effects. But his papers said something different. It said:

Anti cancer drugs affect cells which are actively dividing and spreading, therefore normal tissues that have a high rate of growth like bone marrow, GI tract, skin and hair follicles also become targets of the toxic side effects. As a result during chemo it is “expected” that dogs would get low red and white blood cell count, Inability to fight off other illness, decreased platelets, diarrhea, vomiting, mouth sores, and hair loss. He told me Pugsley could go completely bald. He would need to constantly be monitored for urine and stool output, behavioral changes, recording of body temperature, and signs of infection. His rectal temperature could go too high and I’d have to give him ice baths right away. If that didn’t bring his fever down, I’d have to rush him to an emergency animal hospital which is 1.5 hours away from me.

Aside from the “expected” side effects, there are warnings of effects to be on the lookout for: elevated temperature, labored breathing, severe depression, pale or jaundiced gums or eye membranes, redness, swelling, or other signs of infection, repeated bouts of diarrhea and/or vomiting, tremors or convulsions, difficult or bloody urination.

In addition to the side effects he would likely have to endure, I would have to leave my house at 6:00am to drive him to the place in New York where they administer the chemo, intravenously. They would put him in a board with a factory like line up of all the other sick dogs where he would have to stay and wait to receive the IV drip that lasts for 20 minutes while a nurse stays with him. They inform you that damage to the leg will occur if some of the IV drug accidentally leaks outside of the vein. Then he has to be monitored closely for the next 4 hours and I could go pick him up after work and drive back home in a 15 hour round trip. He would need a minimum of 5 treatments over the course of 3.5 months. He would also have to be checked for a full line of blood stains, Xrays, ultrasound, endoscopy, and other scans every 2 months.

When the consultation ended, I remained in the room to gather my stuff and my thoughts. I could hear him in the next room on speakerphone with the owner of a dog patient. He was asking how many times that day the dog had vomited and how much of his food he was able to keep down. The owner sounded defeated and distraught. She said he had been vomiting all day and was not able to keep food down.

I think I knew in that moment and even before I went there that I would not want any of this for Pugsley. Driving home from New York and looking in my rearview mirror to see his sweet little sausage body stretched out with his chin resting up against my backseat – my heart gave me the answer I have been searching for all along. Whatever time Pugsley has left, I refuse to make it sick or miserable time for him. I refuse to allow him to spend it hooked up to invasive scary medical equipment In kennels all day while I’m stressing about him at work. I refuse to do anything intentionally that would poison him or deter him from the food that he loves to eat and the toys that he loves to play with. Knowing how he feeds and reacts off of my energies and mood, I would never be able to stay positive or strong for him if I was spending my days worrying and watching him deteriorate before my eyes for months to a time. They don’t know Pugsley the way I do. He would pick up on my sorrow, become weak and withdrawn, and he would give up the fight, I know he would.

Maybe my heart and gut would be telling me something different if he were 5 or even 8 years old. But I feel strongly that I have given Pugsley an awesome 12 ½ years, he has never wanted for anything or had even one desire or need that has gone unmet or unattended to. How could I possibly in good consciousness change that now and make the winter of his life a period that he wouldn’t enjoy? Even if there was only a 2% chance that any ONE of those bad side effects could occur, I couldn’t. I won’t. The Sausage only needs to know happiness for as long as I am blessed to be with him.

There was one small hitch to the meeting with the oncologist. One glimmer of hope. One more reason to hang on baited breath another 2 nail biting weeks for results. The oncologist is taking the biopsy slides and blood stains and specimens and having his own expert pathologists re-review the results to confirm if they agree with the initial Grade 3 diagnosis. He did not want to in anyway get my hopes up but he did mention that he sees some things that are inconsistent with a Grade 3 diagnosis. There is a small chance they could come back and reclassify his MCT as a Grade 2 or something that has a better prognosis. If that was the case, they might not even recommend chemo because it might not be not be as bad as the first pathologists had reported. It would be a miracle. I am praying for that miracle.