Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
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As I was sitting helpless and vulnerable on the edge of the examining table in my doctor's office cloaked only in one of those humiliating paper napkin gowns....he asks the same question that he always asks, "So, Miss Lori, any new boyfriends?" As I proceed to state with a perturbed, resounding "no", he proclaims, "Well I just don't understand how an attractive bright female such as yourself can still be single."
"Well..... I'll tell you how doc, because men my age who are still single either A. have serious commitment issues, B. are already spoken for C. they are divorced or separated w/ more baggage than the luggage claim at LaGuardia, or D. all of the above. In any of these multiple choice options, it seems like a better plan to go it alone and not have to deal with anyone else's issues. I have enough of my own, and I'm kind of exhausted."
He completely ignores my frustrated, albeit clever and insightful rant.
"I'm going to let you in on a secret Lori, something every single woman should know but not many of them do. Honestly, do you want to meet a nice single, eligible guy?
"Um, maybe....?"
"The number one place to meet single professional men is on the golf course. Think about it, they're there because they have money and free time. Not many single women enjoy the sport so you wouldn't have any competition. The type of men you'd meet would be a much higher quality than those you would meet at a bar or online, where they are only interested in one thing. The kinds of men who play golf are active and educated. Do yourself a favor, take lessons, learn the game inside and out, join the country club. I know men who would just love to meet a woman like you there."
Ironically [though totally unsolicited] this is the single best piece of advice this particular doctor has ever given me. This was the man who misdiagnosed my drug induced hepatitis as gall stones and sent me on my way to an unnecessary surgery.
I explained to the doctor it was funny he mentioned it because I had just begun learning the great game of golf from my dad last season who was giving me lessons prior to this whole neck thing. Of course I wasn't planning on taking up the sport with the sole purpose of meeting men, but come to think of it that would be an added bonus, wouldn't it?
"Well, now we have even more of a reason to get you fixed up so you can hit the links!" He's a jolly older man and his face cheeks got all big and rosy.
Cut to: a couple days later -- I'm sharing a funny email exchange between myself and two former co-workers. One of them received a spam email that had absolutely nothing to do with golf. It was one of those penis spams with a subject line like "Penis underdevelopment affects more than 95% of men". But that wasn't the funny part - the funny part was the name of the person who sent the spam email. The sender of the penis spam had the same name as the CEO of the internet company that we used to work for 8 years ago, a CEO who screwed us out of stock options and a number of other things. Needless to say, a humorous gmail string of digs and slang words for male body parts ensued.
We were using gmail and couldn't help but notice to the right of the screen that Google Adsense had served up some relevant ads based on the content of our email conversation. It presented us with a text link advertisement to Schwetty Balls. Now of course I have to go www.schwettyballs.com and order myself a pair.
The moral of the story is this: It's yet another reason to enjoy the great game of golf and also to go create yourself a gmail account if you're not already using one. Just for the pure irony and humor of it all.
As for me, I am looking forward to spring when I can go out and whack some Schwetty Balls.
SL commented February 22, 2007 9:28 AM
Balls!
I think you should share the original images I forwarded to you for display. Former fellow ___sters would love it. LOL!
Funny thing is the 2nd so-called CEO and the 1 so-called CFO in particular from that former company, don't need any enhancers they're the most d!ck!sh people I've ever met in my entire life anyway!!! Good riddence to the flip flop wearing @sshole and the peroxide-laden flyfishing joke of a supposed chemist. The only think shes able to do is cook up poison.
Karma.Karma.Karma...I hope a baseball lands squarely in his lap and I hope her waders fill up and she gets a good drink -- or better yet she gets snapped in her fat @ss from a snapping turtle....ahhhh a girl can dream :)
ScallyWag commented February 22, 2007 10:37 AM
I'd like to order a PAIR of Schwetty Balls for myself, please!!
hehehe....go for the golf-thing, might end up being a great idea!
adios!
MacGuy commented February 22, 2007 9:27 PM
Now I see what was soo funny -- good stuff. to "SL" now tell us how you really feel but this time don't hold back. :-) But well said, I have to say, then again you always had a way with words!
Lori commented February 22, 2007 9:32 PM
Yeah SL, don't hold back or anything. Whoa! You are right Macguy -- SL has always had a way with words. I've asked her to start her own blog but she says she doesn't have time :(
Carrie commented February 28, 2007 8:10 AM
I really needed a good laugh this morning and this was just the thing to do it. More from the SL comment as I being a fellow ___ster myself. Ah, those were the days!