Sorry I haven’t been blogging much lately. I’ve been busy running around from doctor to doctor for tests and more tests only to still not have any answers….
I’m getting really fed up with doctors and insurance companies who don’t want to pay for necessary tests because they are “new” and not considered “widely accepted in the medical community” even though the tests will be able to pinpoint with a 97% accuracy rate exactly what kind of intestinal disorder I have….if I have one.

Then there are the doctors who think their time is more valuable than yours, and okay.... maybe it is if they are out there saving lives but most days they are just treating poor schlubs like myself who are trying to get to the bottom of some pesky ailments. And they make you wait weeks and weeks for an appointment because they can’t accommodate your schedule sooner and you finally get your chance and go in with a full list of questions you had in mind but after about 2 minutes you feel them trying to “wrap it up” and push you out the door with a prescription for a cream and a follow-up visit in 2 more weeks....so they can get the next one in. Another co-pay. And they do see you every week or two but each time you talk to them you notice they are asking the same questions that they asked in your first few appointments because they are like factory workers farming one poor patient in after another so they can’t even remember your case without looking through notes. So I get annoyed at having to repeat myself but I get hip to the game and learn to bring in a list of questions in writing and I’m persistent and don’t leave until I get answers. This pisses them off when I push gently by displaying a genuine concern for my health with a firm tone to let them know I want answers and I’m not leaving until I get them. That’s about the time they start thinking I’m a lunatic and I see them scribbling notes on my chart.

“Have you ever tried antidepressants?”

And then I stop them dead in their tracks. I don’t need antidepressants because I’m not depressed. Maybe my bowels and small intestines are depressed but I know what that feels like and can tell you it’s not the case here. And it’s incredibly frustrating to see them not believe me.
I’m not depressed. I’m in pain and I’m anxious because after 4 months, 3 doctors, and numerous tests I still have no answers regarding the source of pain. So it continues and I’m getting cranky. It actually is enough to make one depressed when they had not been previously!

I want answers. I want to know why my small intestine is inflamed with ulcerations. Want to know why I’ve lost 10 pounds since my last physical in May despite the fact that I eat 3 square meals a day and snack in between. I want to know why I itch all over from head to toe. Why do I have a metallic taste in my mouth like I just swallowed a wad of aluminum foil? Why do I have random bruises all over my legs but I haven’t bumped into anything? Why do I keep getting weird rashes on my trunk? Why are there recurring infections that come on suddenly and then go away? These are not symptoms of depression and they are not psychosomatic. I'm sorry but if I had that kind of power to conjure up some physical symptoms on myself I would make it so my boobs grew 2 cup sizes or so I'd have orgasms every time I moved a certain way on my chair...I can assure you I would not be inflicting these other ailments onto myself that I've been dealing with.

I just find it incredibly sad that we live in a day and age when medical professionals who have not explored or considered all possibilities are so quick to offer push synthetic psychoactive substances for lack of any other diagnosis. Now, if they had ponied up some medical marijuana to help ease the abdominal pain and increase my appetite with the munchies…. I would have been all over that shit.