Lots of people have been asking for Sausage updates by email, by phone, even people at work inquire on a regular basis how he is doing. It’s always nice to hear. I thank them for asking and deliver my canned response,"It’s day by day. Today was a good day!" There have been a lot more of those good days than bad days...

I guess I haven’t put much out there on the blog because I’ve learned been humbled by the times when I brag about how great he is doing even carrying on complaining about how spoiled he’s become in all of this because in the moment that’s how it feels. And that’s usually how I write, in the moment. That’s probably hard to see from where you sit and read because as we all know things can change just as quickly in the next moment after I hit the publish button. So I’ve become what you might call a bit superstitious or cautious. When people ask now I am no longer overly confident or flippant.

Likewise, there have also been times when it felt like things just couldn’t possibly get any worse and in the heat of those sleep deprived, sad, overwhelming moments the only thing I could really do is reach for my keyboard and spew out the raw painful emotions that I felt at the time. And then I just come across as an out of control lunatic, when in fact it is also just a small piece of time when I’m in the thick of it. It passes and things get better the next day and the next and the next. But you don’t want to come back and say so because you are afraid to jinx it all over again…

So I guess you could say on the blog and in every day life I’ve had to adopt a "prepare for the worst and hope for the best" attitude.

That’s how I’ve had to approach the whole thing, very middle of the road and even keeled. Not optimistic, not pessimistic, just living in the moment day by day. One step at a time. It’s the only honest way I can be realistic, be prepared, be alert, and remain positive ….which of course are all of the things I need to be for my little compadre. And let’s face it, for myself.

On a positive note, there have not been anymore painful episodes since the last surgery. Knowing that all the surgeries are behind us now and that he doesn’t have to endure anymore is comforting in an odd way. This allows his quality of life right now to be off the charts. Less downtime means more uptime to focus on the important things like more spoiling, more bully sticks, and more trips to the Barkery for homemade doggy treats.

All of that said there are definite signs of systemic involvement. There is the large volume and frequent bowel movements. There are the side effects of the Prednisone which have been rough going. A constant feeling of hunger despite feeding 3x a day and increased thirst and need for urination. There are a lot more accidents in the house which we know cannot be helped. We have had to resort to wee wee pad training for the times when he can’t make it outside which is tough because he has never had to use them before. He is confused by these. Up to this point he could hold it for 12 hours if need be and would just stand at the door when he needed to go out. Now it’s more like every 2-4 hours. When I first laid the pads down he thought they were blankets I put down for him to lay on. Twice he peed half on and half off so I know he had the right idea anyway and tried. Now he kind of ignores them altogether and steps over them to get to where he's going….but we’re still working on this.

As for me it’s been difficult to leave him and go to work everyday but I’m fortunate to have help so he doesn’t have to be alone the whole time. I’ve been laying low on weekends for the most part. I try to not be gone anymore than 4-6 hour clips or I start to feel guilty. But the larger part of it is the sense that our time together is fleeting and I just don’t want to miss anything. My heart is with him right now and it feels out of place anywhere else. When I do go out its something quick and low key like visiting friends and family, lunch, dinner, or a workout at the gym. Friends have been coming by to visit and he LOVES this most of all. Attention! His second favorite thing after food...

In general I am trying to not think too far down the road. To live in the moment and enjoy the present. My mantra continues to be... each day is a gift, each day is a blessing. It's a survival skill or coping mechanism when you really get down to it. The funny thing is I am also learning that it's a pretty good way to live. In fact it may be one of the most important life lessons I will ever learn. And I have a 25 pound sausage to thank for it.