Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
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I opened up the pull out couch and made a special fort with propped pillows and your favorite toys. A library of all your favorite movies that we’ve watched together 100 hundred times; like the Lion King and Milo and Otis. But you weren’t interested in them like you used to be and you didn’t want to stay on the bed with me. You wanted to hide underneath where it’s dark and cool. This morning I lay on the floor with you just to be near. I held your paw in my hand, placed my head near your head and I rested my cheek on your legs. I took deep breathes in and I smelled your smells as if I was smelling them for the last time. I want to make a mental recording of all the things I will miss so much; your velvety ears and their sweet stinky odor, the soft tuft of fur on top of your head, your funny face and big brown eyes, and the smell of your Frito feet which I might miss most of all. I looked you in those eyes, holding your paw and took another deep breath in. I said that you don’t need to be so brave, that its okay to let me know when you’re tired and you just want to go to sleep with sweet memories of the life I made for you. It was a beautiful life and I can see you holding onto it now. But I no longer know if you’re holding on for you or for me. It's two years to the day when all this began. You've been so strong for so very long.... holding on longer than anyone thought you would, including me. It's okay if you're getting sleepy now, you don't have to be so brave for mama. I lay down on the floor and held your paw in my right hand caressing your head with my left. And I told you that I’ll be okay without you because I’ll have so many memories of our happy times and because your spirit will live on inside of me forever, making me a better person because of you. I told you that you have to show me if it hurts. You have to let me know when it’s time because there aren’t any clear answers. One minute you’re hiding under furniture and the next you’re squeaking toys and barking at me for food. I laid down on the floor with your paw in my hand and I cried, asking you to show me a sign. Then you got up and ate some chicken.
coffeypot commented August 8, 2008 11:08 AM
Damn, you've made my eyes sweat. He will let you know!
Charlie commented August 8, 2008 11:13 AM
Hang in there Lori. Smell his every smell and look into his as much as you can. The eyes of our sweet pugs say so much. I am sorry you are having to tell him goodbye. I hope I never have to tell my Otis the Pug goodbye but that is the way life is, just a constant circle of life. You are in our prayers.
greg commented August 8, 2008 03:26 PM
It's so hard Lori I know. I feel your pain. I'm got teared up reading what you have written. It is a beautiful thing. He will always be with you I know you know that, as Riley and Jake are still with me. When I look into Brutuses big brown eyes I swear I can see them both in there. I know you will have another PUG someday and see the same thing I see when I look at The Brut.
Greg
“Don't be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.”
Nevis commented August 8, 2008 05:00 PM
**crying** Ohh...that's such a wonderful post.
JIM commented August 8, 2008 06:17 PM
Lori, First of all my thoughts are with you and The sausage, Stay strong because if there is one thing us guys ( Sausage included) really hate to see is our women shedding tears, Pugsley will be watching you, Try to let him remember your caring smile ! Thinking of you & Pugsley !
Corner Pug Jim
marni commented August 8, 2008 06:54 PM
I have a lump in my throat but can't let loose like I want to. Carl and the kids wouldn't understand... or maybe they would once I explained what it was all about.
Either way my heart aches for your. I cannot imagine...
Let me know if I can do anything.
marni commented August 8, 2008 06:54 PM
I have a lump in my throat but can't let loose like I want to. Carl and the kids wouldn't understand... or maybe they would once I explained what it was all about.
Either way my heart aches for you. I cannot imagine...
Let me know if I can do anything.
Christianne commented August 9, 2008 02:07 AM
I am just so sorry. I have been there, I did just what you are doing. My prayers are with you, sweet stranger, and your Pugsley.
Samantha commented August 9, 2008 04:52 PM
Lori,
You are in our praryers.
Pug hugs,
Samantha
Samantha commented August 9, 2008 04:52 PM
Lori,
You are in our praryers.
Pug hugs,
Samantha
dave commented August 10, 2008 01:36 AM
My pug is 3.
Your post almost made me cry.
Lucy commented August 10, 2008 12:40 PM
Mega prayers coming your way. Oh Lori, I am so sorry you and your boy are suffering so,
Lauren commented August 10, 2008 03:43 PM
Oh Lori,
So sorry to read this latest... I am sitting here in tears... Please know we are all praying for you & your beloved Sausage... I cannot imagine what you are going through right now, I am thinking about the two of you here often...
olga commented August 10, 2008 03:50 PM
dear, lori no words can say how sad i am to find out he's more sick, ive been follwoing your blog from dominican republic ever since i ran on your blog, randomly... so for pugsley, here's this. ..... may all the hugs in the world take away your tummyaches.. may all your sleepness nights be filled with cuddly nights next to your mommy lori, may all my prayers and wishes lay upon your puggly body and heal you as much a they can..., may all the sunrises you watch next to your mommy be unique as you are. you are a pug, youre powerful, unique, and great, those three words define you. your the pure embodiment of loyalty and love.. pugsley feel better and may in your darkest moments you may find some light, the light your mommy gives you everytime she holds you paw...... sending my angels to watch over you
p.s i know the feeling lori my 7 year old pug is sick from now and then..
xoxox
olga and memin from dominican republic..
Tammy (Norman's Woman) commented August 11, 2008 09:10 AM
Oh Lori, I know this is so hard on you. I am happy that you are savoring every moment you have with your little man.