Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
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lies
October 15, 2008
I have just one question for you today.
Is "not telling" the same as lying?
Not referring to the little white lies we tell occasionally to avoid hurting someone's feelings (e.g. you smell really rancid and I wish you wouldn't stand so close to me, no I don't like your new boyfriend I think he's a putz, etc.)
I am talking about lies that if the person being lied to knew the truth, it would actually alter the course of the relationship with the liar and change the way they feel about that person.
I guess you already know my opinion on the topic. What's yours?
Kelly commented October 15, 2008 9:18 PM
Great question!
Can’t tell you how many arguments me and my bf had over this very topic. he says guys just dont think of the details like we do. my feeling is… not offering information esp info he knows would NOT make me happy is the same as lying about it. makes you wonder what other tidbits are left out..
Jen commented October 15, 2008 9:51 PM
not telling is the same as lying imho
Jim commented October 16, 2008 12:01 AM
In reference to Kelly’s comment it is possible that your boyfriend does forget to tell you every little thing. Women tend to get caught up in the details much more than men do. However, if you have reason to believe he is being sneaky about something chances are good its an intentional lie about something he doesn’t want you to know.
To answer your question Lori it could go either way, depending on the issue….and the guy.
Janesca commented October 16, 2008 8:55 AM
I think theres a difference between sparing someone a not nice opinion and leaving out something that is actually important. I think it depends on the situation. I may not tell someone I dont like their boyfriends, because well... thats my opinion and theres the whole if you cant say something nice thing.... BUT if I knew he had been arrested for beating the bejeezus out of the last girl... those are details I might find a way to tactfully find out if the new gal knows. So I guess it all depends on what my gut tells me is the right thing to do, and if the potentially hurtful thing Im about to say is just my opinion or if there is some value in it to help the other person.
Tom K. commented October 16, 2008 11:00 AM
Assuming the issue is major one that would affect the relationship between two people as Lori’s scenerio noted, then not telling is most certainly the same as lying.
For instance my wife wouldn’t care if I forgot to tell her I stopped off after work for a beer with a buddy. If however I had dinner with a female coworker and didn’t tell her, I have no doubt she would think I was lying. Out of respect I would call her first and tell her, by doing so show her I have nothing to hide.
If I elected to not tell her she might suspect some dishonest behavior even if there was none.
When you care about someone’s feelings you respect them enough to tell the truth on important issues or issues that may cause concern for the other person.
pugfan commented October 16, 2008 11:34 AM
Deal breakers need to be disclosed if any relationship is going to survive. regardless of whether the relationship is romantic, business, or friendship.
Just my two cents.
Anonymous commented October 16, 2008 2:54 PM
It is a lie....
jim commented October 16, 2008 6:11 PM
no, not at all
Nicole commented October 18, 2008 8:03 PM
well interesting question...my mother never lied to me and said "I have never been married before or had children from another marriage that you have never met" but she did "not tell me" that! So yeah, i'd say it's the same in that if I knew the truth I would have relationships with family members I always yearned for as an only child with no family. And in that sense yes, it is the same thing as lying. But again, I guess it depends on the circumstances of the situation. I just know I consider it on par with lying whether or not it can be dubbed "a lie."