I would not have been talking on the phone that morning about such trivial things. I would have paid closer attention to your sights, sounds, and movements, to know it was coming.

I would have stayed awake the night before, lying with you on the floor, holding your paw in my hand one last time, telling you softly everything that I wanted you to hear.

Had I known it would be the last time we'd see each other...

I would have held your soft porcelain hands in my hands one last time. I would have caressed your face and told you how you will always mean more to me than anything, how I will think of you often and try to carry on all the good that you taught me.

I would have told you how I admire you and aspire to be just like you.

I would have asked for your recipe for the best mashed potatoes in the world.

I would have told you that of all the men in my life you were the strongest most positive influence and role model.

I would have told you how much I'd miss the way you could make me laugh more than anyone else in the world.

I would have told you not to worry, I'll always take care of your sister and make sure she's ok.

I would have said I'm sorry

I would have tried to win you back

I wouldn't have let you go to sleep mad. I would have pulled you back in close to my chest, taken you deep into my arms, looked you in the eyes and told you exactly how I feel.

I would have attempted to adequately express how much I appreciate having you in my life. How your belief in me and your support made me believe I could do things that I'd never contemplate otherwise.

I would have sat you down and asked you to tell me what was wrong. Why you were so troubled that felt you had to do what you did. I would have tried to get you help and assure you that nothing could be that bad.

I would have made amends for the years we struggled to get along. I would not have apologized for being me, but I would have thanked you for being you.

I would have told you that I love you.