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July 3, 2009

propofol.gifThe media is now reporting that Diprivan, aka Propofol was found at Michael Jackson's house and could possibly be the drug that killed him. WTF?

Having just been given Propofol last week during my surgery (and for several other procedures in recent years) I can't even fathom what kind of mental stress and issues this poor guy had going on that he needed a surgical anesthetic to help him sleep - or what Dr. would administer it in his home.

I can tell you the last thing I remember prior to my surgery was walking into the OR and looking at the gurney. That's it. Just looking at it. I don't even remember climbing onto the table or the anesthesiologist asking me to count back from 10. Nothing. The second they turned on the drip I was out. It's not like popping an ativan or zanax to help you sleep, it is some seriously strong stuff.

Propofol is also a drug that induces amnesia and exits your body really fast...which makes me wonder if it will even show up in his toxicology.

Really crazy stuff. And such a tragedy for his life to end this way...

I know others will disagree - but for the record I don't believe any of that BS about Michael Jackson being a child molester. He was acquitted of all charges because there wasn't enough evidence to convict him or prove it. And the first child who accused him admitted to lying, saying MJ never touched him inappropriately. I believe it was all an attempt to extort money.

In my heart I truly believe he was just so messed up in the head from the years of child abuse he suffered at the hands of his father - who used to beat all of the Jackson Five kids with a belt every time one of them got a dance step wrong - and basically robbed him of his own childhood so he could be the family meal ticket - I believe that inside of his crippled mind and heart he still was that scared little child.

If you look at it, all the evidence of MJ being screwed up points to his father. His father used to tell him he was ugly and his nose was too big. This is why MJ developed BDD (Body Dimorphic Disorder) and went to the extremes to change his appearance. This is why he was so gentle, soft spoken, shy, and painfully embarrassed in interviews.

This is why he was such advocate for children and donated so much of his money to children's charities - I believe the bond he had with children, though probably inappropriate and wrong for a normal adult (you have to remember Michael Jackson wasn't a normal adult) - for him was very innocent and probably was his way of trying to heal the wounds of his own childhood. Giving to other children the things he only wished he had growing up - in other words, love and kindness from a male role model.

Then the vultures came swooping in trying to claim child abuse to extort money from him and my theory is when he went through that humiliating trial, accusing him of the very thing he held so sacred I think it was the thing that finally broke him. And I don't believe he ever fully recovered. This is probably when his drug use escalated.

And when he finally felt strong enough to attempt a comeback, I just think it all came bubbling to head, it was too much pressure and stress and he probably couldn't sleep at night because all of these things still haunted him.

VH1 has been replaying the Jacksons, An American Dream movie and all I can think is the title should have been the Jacksons, An American Tragedy.

I am so glad Michael didn't leave a cent to his father or even make mention of him in his will. I believe it was the final f"ck you he always wanted to say but never could.

What I find truly amazing is that all of these obstacles never diminished his raw talent.

I feel strongly that it is a huge tragedy that Michael Jackson is dead -- and an even bigger tragedy that he was totally misunderstood while he was alive.

Posted by Lori on July 3, 2009 1:24 PM permalink Comments (5)



emily the biker pug commented July 3, 2009 5:48 PM

This is a prime example of money can't buy happiness.

BTW Lori were you in Rockport ma. today around 1pm?



Home exchange commented July 7, 2009 8:58 AM

I completely agree with you :-/ It is a complete tragedy, and I'm still finding it shocking weeks in. The stuff surfacing online about it now is so distasteful :-( Thanks for posting this article.



Amber commented July 8, 2009 2:50 PM

You could not of said it any better! I never believed that he was a child molester and I'm sick of hearing the derogatory jokes about him.



Lori commented July 8, 2009 2:58 PM

thanks Amber...I am sick of hearing it too. it's sickening what people will say and do. let the guy rest in peace already.



Lori commented July 8, 2009 6:15 PM

p.s. no never been to rockport emily :)


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