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August 11, 2009

Memories become sunsets in every dog barking on the side streets of America.
Memories are where we lay them, in the tracks of our mind.

Oh, you know how I love.

You know how I love.

It could be no more temporary than stars in the sky

One night this past winter I was feeling kind of lost, wondering exactly what it would take to make me happy again:
a new job, a new dog, a new relationship, one more night with an old friend?
I stood outside gazing up at the sky, imagining each star was a long lost friend from my past.
The kind of friends you'd stay up with all night, falling deep into talk as if no time had elapsed.

As I counseled each star, I wondered what they would do if they were me:
Move to a new town and start over, finally settle down and raise a family?
Take care of others instead of themselves,
go out every night and get wasted to make it dissolve?
Hit the gym, let it go,
play guitar, ski in the snow.
start their own business, fall in love, become newly arisen,
pretend everything is alright, even if it isn't.

But one star shone brighter than all the rest
And I asked this one who knew me best
Just then off in the distance I heard a dog barking intently, sounding eerily similar to his voice
His barking was persistent, it echoed with choice
I stood there listening; sure he was trying to give me a sign.
And then the stars gave way to sunrise
And the sunrise turned into sunset, and the sun sank into the moon
And suddenly I understood it was the same way with old friends who left too soon
The stars would always be there to guide us like memories of distant friends who had to part,
Who we no longer carry in our arms, but forever in our hearts.

I still feel him in my heart; if it's possible, even more
I swear it beats differently now than it did before.

I still see him in the pucker of her smile and another dog's eyes
a run on the grass, a walk down the street, a familiar car ride.

Hot breath panting, places that were ours,
full moons, campfires, coming home and of course, the stars.

Driving down roads we used to travel,
That corner of the couch he would always unravel.

Snuggling in our silly little nest of smells; him, curled up behind by knees.
snorted sighs that cued me to sleep,

Movies we'd watch, sentences I write,
rescue dogs I help, poor old seniors in their winter of life.

Visions of him merrily rolling on his back
on billowy down comforters and in the thick green grass,

Pink belly fur writhing back and forth to scratch an itch,
my hand always obliging with a generous scritch.

His silky head and velvety ears,
corn chip paws, discerning tail, and regal airs,

His facial expressions and extra skin rolls spilling over,
his uneven gait trotting horse like through fields full of clover.

His gray muzzled smirks, nervous yawns, and contented stretches,
our playtime of tricks and treats, chases, and fetches.

His unique personality, the way he'd make demands
And our own muted language I'd come to understand.

He still exists everywhere despite the absence of breath
in the miracle of life and the finality of death.

One year later, one year today,
But the missing never really goes away

Posted by Lori on August 11, 2009 12:35 AM permalink Comments (12)



Marni commented August 11, 2009 6:11 AM

Makes me cry, Lori. Such beautiful writing...

((( Lori )))



jan commented August 11, 2009 7:30 AM

quite possibly the best post you've ever written, lori. i hope little plum was snuggled by your side when you wrote this. xoxoxo



Mary commented August 11, 2009 8:36 AM

That was beautiful! What a wonderful tribute! Made me cry too. Isn't it amazing what one little pug can do to us? To our entire being. I don't have a way with words like you do, or that would be what I would write. Instead, I got a tattoo of the Chinese symbol for "hammer" for my Sledgehammer.



Neas Nuttiness commented August 11, 2009 10:21 AM

As my "babies" age, the knowing that they will be gone one day, breaks my heart. Each passing day, knowing that I've given them the best I can, offers some comfort. Having them in my life, is worth the worry.

Sending you hope, that the pain will turn into treasure...and happy memories, and the assurance that he will be waiting at Rainbow Bridge.



Becky commented August 11, 2009 11:05 AM

Dear sweet Lori,
My dogs are getting older too. Fuji my pug, will be 11 in October. Only the good Lord knows Elvis' age, I'm sure he is older than her. Sassy my chi is 9 now, she is so tiny. Blitz my boxer is 7 and getting grayer by the day. I check Fuji, Elvis and Sassy sometimes during the night to make sure they are still with me. The other dogs aren't quite that old yet. I think of all my animals I have lost over the years and what a glorious reunion we will have at the Rainbow Bridge. This was a beatiful tribute to the Sausage and I too hope Miss Plum was right by your side when you were writing this. We love you, Lori.



Lex commented August 11, 2009 12:43 PM

Beautiful Lori.



Lauren commented August 11, 2009 6:39 PM

I have been thinking about you knowing it was coming up on the Year Anniversary... I am so sorry you are missing your Sausage today, and everyday... What a beautiful post...



Kelly commented August 11, 2009 9:27 PM

thinking of you today!!



Toni commented August 11, 2009 11:38 PM




pugdude commented August 13, 2009 1:52 PM

That was so sweet. Any pug owner can certainly identify with a silly little nest of smells..



52 Faces commented August 13, 2009 5:08 PM

I so feel you Lori. I love this prose! It recalls my feelings about Peanut Butter, my first foster son.

Really great to meet you through the BlogHer ad network.



Dianne commented January 16, 2010 9:43 PM

Oh Gee Lori. Your writing touched me deeply and let me cry out some of my grief. It's been 3 years since my beautiful, little terrier, Max,passed away. I feel exactly like your writing described. Thank you for writing such a beautiful, heartfelt tribute.


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