In the fall, I'm reminded of just how much I miss grunge rock, corduroy, and how nothing has really been the same since Seinfeld went off the air.

I'm reminded of warm apple cider, red leafed trees, cozy New England towns, heavy-weighted college sweatshirts with embroidered logos in navy and gray. Preppy bangs, inspiration, and what it means to live deep. To live deliberately and suck the marrow out of life. Dead Poets Society, "Oh Captain, my Captain!".

Exploring Indian caves, Concord, Mass. Thoreau at Walden Pond, Sleepy Hollow Cemetery and how someday I'd like to make it to author's ridge, dead or alive; to rest among the silvery cracked epitaphs with ancient scripts there inscribed. Romanian castles, the peace that comes with striving, not just reading poetry but letting it drip from your tongue like honey, the ability to touch someone with verse and move them to tears.

Sometimes I cry when I read my own words but I'm still the same girl you used to know.

Blessings, grandparents, and how there's nothing quite like seeing something for the first time through a child's eyes. Comfy cotton sweatpants, black turtleneck sweaters, rich browns, vibrant oranges, muted taupe's and decadent purples; the colors of autumn and Mexican food. Full-moonlit nights, goose down pillows, crackling fireplaces and burning wood stoves. The first frost, Libra's and Scorpios and how to be gentle with a healing heart.

In the fall, there's a certain calm that washes over me with a warm sense of knowing. It reminds me of what it's like to be young again. To be completely unaware of how it feels to go without. To run barefoot in a field of green once more, to catch fireflies in mason jars with your best friend at dusk, to be pure and untainted, to allow yourself free passes for making more mistakes because you know you'll learn quicker that way. To forget for just 5 minutes what loss feels like, to unload the weight you carry with you.

It's in these still, golden-colored moments that I feel his presence most alive and working through me.

I wish it could stay fall forever.