« a good dog never dies | Main | in dog years.... »
I miss her silly little crooked grin that pushed her right cheek wrinkle over to the side. The one I saw in the church pew in the shadow of my praying hands the day I knew I was going to keep her.
I miss her freakishly long nails clicking and clacking all throughout the house. I always knew where she was and when she was coming.
I miss how she would steal my spot on the couch and in bed the minute I would get up for something. I could always count on her being in my spot when I returned.
I miss her stealing my heating pad too; she would plop herself down on it and usually, I just let her have it.
I miss her Smooshy face smells.
I miss how cuddly and affectionate she was, a little love sponge, really.
I miss how she would be in the home gym during my workouts, like a little personal trainer. During my planks she would always come over and stand under my belly as I held myself up into the plank position. She was the perfect height between the floor and my stomach - it was like she put herself there to spot me.
I miss how she would remain perfectly still and petrified during her baths but the minute it was over and she hit the floor, she would savagely attack the bath towel. Suppressed rage that she could no longer contain.
I miss brushing her and how much she loved to be brushed. Especially when I used the brush to give her a massage. She would almost go into a deep trance.
I miss her snorts, grunts, howls, growls, barks, cries, sighs, and snores.
I miss cuddling with her in my bed. She always had to be under the covers at the top, always off to my left side with her head wedged between the 2 pillows - my hand always clutching the long furry skin roll that folded over her belly and spanned the entire length of her right side. I never realized it until it was gone, but that furry little skin roll had become my security blanket of sorts... I feel so lost now that it's gone.
I miss her sweet pug kisses and lubbins. She was especially sweet and lovey in the morning.
I miss all the little ways she would always surprise me - on walks for instance, she would be moving at a snail's pace but then out of nowhere she would get a sudden burst of energy, taking off in a canter with no warning.. Or how she was hardly ever into playing with toys but every once in a blue moon she would stick her head into the toy box, pick out a toy, start whipping it around, and get the "growlies" at me if I tried to pretend like I was taking it from her.
I miss watching her sleep with the tip of her pink tongue poking out.
I miss our daily couch ritual. We would start with me at one end and her at the other. I would build a comfy fort of pillows and blankets, then flip over onto my side facing the TV. She, sat perched on the other side - tail wagging, eyes all agleam just waiting for me to get situated so she could lunge over the mountain of blankets and make her way to the "puggy nook".
The puggy nook is where she lay with her chin resting on my right arm and her body pressed up against my side. I would always dangle a little extra blanket over the side of the couch so when she got into position I would wrap it around and swaddle her like a baby. I knew she was kept crated and neglected in her former life and I wanted to make her feel as close and cozy as possible. Of course, I loved it too. The puggy nook was her favorite place to be. Most times she couldn't wait for me to give her the cue - she was desperately trying to force herself through the blankets to get to me..
As time went on and she grew weaker, it became more difficult for her to climb over my legs and the mound of blankets. To her - it must have seemed like scaling Kilimanjaro, but she did it just the same.
Near the end when she was so sick and weak that she could barely walk, she still sat on her side of the couch waiting with that little hopeful gleam in her eye. She would take a step or two but knew she couldn't make it. Her body had become very delicate and frail so I gently picked her up and placed her in the puggy nook.
Once her chin hit the tuck of my elbow she always let out a little peaceful sigh. Oh how I miss those little sighs..
This was the last thing we did together. We lay down on the couch in her puggy nook for about an hour just before she passed. And it was lovely.
I miss coming home and not seeing her there jumping off the couch running over to me with a wagging tail and sparkly eyes. This is possibly the hardest thing to bear.
This, the skin roll, and the puggy nook.