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I've been thinking about Plummy a lot lately.
I mean I think about her and my other deceased pugs (Pugsley and Norman) everyday anyway, but Plummy I've been ruminating about more than usual.
I am just now able to look back at some of her pictures without getting too sad and I remembered this one taken on an unusually balmy November afternoon when she was nearing the end and the Dr.'s actually told me I should put her down.
So I took her out to some of my favorite nature spots and we just had quiet time to think and "be"....it was right after our nature outing that she turned a corner and rallied to stay with me. I think she realized that I wasn't quite ready to let her go...and she wasn't ready to leave me either.
After that outing she miraculously began eating on her own again and seemed very peaceful and spry. She stayed strong for 2 more months after this (right up until the end) and it was the most beautiful, calm, compassionate, and loving 2 months I believe of her life, and probably of my life too.
Looking back at this photo now with a different perspective it reminds me of the blog header I had conceived of years before, after Pugsley passed and I imagined him somewhere in another universe wandering around looking for me, and while I was glad he was free from the cancer and the pain... and I had raised him up in mind and heart, walking on water even...it always made me a little sad to think of him lost and alone. Maybe because that's how I was feeling without him and as his mama, I wanted to protect him and didn't want him to ever feel that kind of ache.
But now I look at the two pictures side by side and I can see what was really going on that day; I was preparing Plummy for her next journey and I think I may have even told her that she needed to go be with her pug brother and keep him company for a while, until we could all be together again one day.
It's funny, I can see so clearly now that my mind and my heart had unknowingly created this scenerio and the universe and everything in it here and in the hereafter, followed my lead.
I can see it now in the reflection of the water and the reflection of our hearts, something about the rueful colors of the November sky, the time of day, and the uneven hills rolling up behind.. Just her and I, communicating with no words but feeling exactly in our souls what was in that moment and what was to be, beyond.... It is simply too divine to not be true.
And then I knew from somewhere deep inside that no matter what, none of us would ever really be alone.
And nothing could ever come between our bond, not even death.
It fills me with a great sense of peace, and knowing, and pride.