Younger guys are supposed to be all about sex but in my experience I have found that not necessarily to be true. Okay maybe it is pretty much true, but to my surprise that is not ALL they are about. They are also about calling, flattering, and taking you to dinner. They are not afraid to introduce you to their families and friends, or let you into their inner circle faster than a single guy nearing 40 will. That is for sure. They are sweet and call in the middle of the day to check on your dog. Even if they really are only horny little toads. At least they make the effort and show some common courtesy. Perhaps because they are still young enough to remember the manners that their mothers taught them.

So what happens when a woman in her thirties finds a guy in his twenties and he is into her? Does that make her a cougar? Or just tired of dealing with myopic man-boys who are fast approaching middle age and are in total denial about it? In a way it makes sense because men hit their sexual stride in their early twenties but women just begin to hit it in their mid thirties.

Also, I think a younger man can appreciate a woman who is emotionally and financially independent, who can probably teach him a thing or two. A woman with a backbone who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. A woman who doesn’t whine or get upset about frivolous things or give a shit if he wants to spend a night out with the guys [Go, please and give me some space]. The single 30-something male claims to want all of these things in a mate but in actuality when he is faced with it, he runs in the opposite direction with his tail between his legs.

A case then could certainly be made for the younger male / older female situation. All this time I've been thinking its same age or older men I should be dating, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe the young ones are where it's at.

One thing is for sure. Aside from the annoying misspellings and lol’s, the younger male can do wonders for the female ego.

Enter exhibit A.

“So just curious as to when the next [insert name of local bar here] run is going to be :O)”

“Ha, I was just there yesterday actually. Word on the street is that the gang is getting together tomorrow night. I’m gonna stop by for a quick one if my doggy is doing okay. Are you going?”

“Whats wrong with your doggy?? Hope hes alright. I might be pursuaded to :O)”

“Cancer :( “

“Damn im sorry to hear that, that really sucks. How old is he?? Let me know if you decide to go to tomorrow. :O) “

“14 years old . You should come…just don’t ask me about my dog over alcohol or I may get too depressed and want to leave. Or I may start crying… and then you’d have to hold me. “

“That would be okay…”

“Really? Aren’t guys afraid of having to provide emotional support to non-girlfriends because then they are afraid that it makes the girl think she is becoming the girlfriend? “

“Na, only losers would think like that.”

“Hmmmph....brilliant!”

“Wow 14 is pretty old for a pug isn’t it?? I will try and swing by, what time you going?? I promise i will not mention dogs. Besides if i was trying to get you to leave it would be with me lol. So getting you upset would be a bad thing :O)”

“Probably around 6:00 or 7:00”

“Sounds good, i guess i'll stalker you later then. I mean catch you later then :O)”

“C you tomorrow then.”

“Sounds good, should i knock on the front door or back door?? It might take me a while to find your house again. lol.”

“Better not tell you now”

“Cant blame me for trying though :O)”

“I admire your persistence”

“I try, im like a bad rash that doesnt go away lol i cant help it that i find you extremly attractive. My apologies if that is wrong for me to say or makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“Dude, you’re like 12 years younger and you are totally flirting with me!“

“Your not that old….but i’ll stop if you don’t want to hear it.”

“No, the flattery is good for my ego right now…feel free to tell me how awesome and adorable I am!”

“I figured you were tired of people telling you so i have kept quiet. I’ve told you beofre that you are an amazingly gorgeous woman with a perfect body... Not that i have been looking :O)”

“Please! somewhere out there is a guy who dumped me because apparently he didn’t think so. And I am FAR from perfect. My boobs are too small and I hate my thighs..I've thought about getting a boob job but with my luck I would probably end up with a third nipple or a uniboob..”

"lol, your funny too :O)"

“You gotta be kidding me right?? If a guy was stupid enough to leave its his loss. As far as your boobs i think they happen to be just the right size going by what ive seen. As for your thighs well lets just say if i was to type what i wanted to i would probably make you blush :O)

Whatever you do, do not have any surgery done. Trust me you look great the way you are :O)"

“Awww, thanks that is exactly what I needed to hear...no worries on the surgery thing, I wasn’t ever seriously considering it. They may be small but they are perky and proportionate to the rest of me.

Besides... I have enough problems with my golf swing without adding any new obstructions to the mix.”

“Yeah i would agree they are nice and perky although im limited as to what i have been able to see :O) Besides if you got fake boobs id have to stop stalking you :O) which i would hate”

“You don’t scare me…”

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 12:16 AM permalink

Friend: [she is very LOUD and ANIMATED] “Oh MY GOD, I met the PERFECT guy for you today!”

Me: “Oh boy.....here we go!"

Friend: “Ok, so he’s in your age range, he’s the VP of an Internet company, he plays golf AND he fishes! He EVEN goes to the same driving range as you!

[I flash her my skeptical but intrigued look where my left eyebrow goes slightly raised while my lips involuntarily pout and smoosh to one side. Sort of like my blog picture at the top of this entry......but I gotta give her props for bringing something juicy to the table]

Me: “I'm listening....”

Friend: “So I’m immediately thinking of you and I ask about his situation!”

Me: “Situation...what's his situation?”

Friend: "He is divorced but TOTALLY ready for a new relationship.."

Me: "Go on...."

Friend: “So I asked if he has any children...”

Me: “And?”

Friend: “No kids BUT, you’re not gonna BeeLIEVE this! He and his ex owned 2 pugs together…”

Me: “Really?”

Friend: “Yeah and get this! As part of the divorce settlement he insisted on joint custody of the pugs so he goes to pick them up and keeps them a couple days a week…”

Me: “That’s awesome!”

Friend: “I KNOW! [Laughter] ”

Me: “What does he look like?”

Friend: “He’s a good looking guy Lori!”

Me: “Is he short?”

Friend: “No he’s tall!”

Me: “Is he bald?”

Friend: “No, he has a thick head of dark hair!”

Me: “Is he fat?”

Friend: “No! (laughter and rolling back in her chair)”

Me: “Is he too thin or does he have some meat on his bones??”

Friend: “No, he’s built and stocky like a football player!”

Me: “That’s just how I like them...”

Friend: "I KNOW!"

Then her voice dropped a few decibles...

Friend: “There's just one little thing….. “

Me: “Oh here it comes! I knew it was too good to be true...”

Friend: [Silent pause with cautious grin, holding fingers to her mouth like she is going to start biting nails]

Me: “What is it??”

Friend: “He might not be hairy enough for you.”

I love that my friends know me so well.

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 09:54 PM permalink Comments (6)

It was near the end of half time at the New York Rangers game in Madison Square Garden and Matt really had to “take a leak.”

He went darting through the 100 level section, making a mad dash up the aisles, across the rows and over to the men’s room in his blue and white Rangers hoodie.

There he stood at the urinal doing his business when all of the sudden he happened to move the wrong way and out slipped his cell phone from the kangaroo pocket making a loud ker plunk! Directly into the urinal below. Midstream.

He recounts the story for me, blow by blow.

"So first I had to stop doing what I was doing..."

"What you were doing?.....Ew! You mean you peed on your cell phone!!?"

"Shhhhh, keep it down..." he was afraid other people could hear..

"I was in the middle of going..and it was too late. There was a little over lapping there, I had to cut it off..."

"Ewwwwww!"

“Then I started blotting it with wet paper towels, wiping it down.”

“Wait…..you reached in and pulled it out!!?!?! Matt that’s disgusting!”

“It’s a $200.00 phone Lori! What if it was my car keys I’d have to go in after those!”

My germaphobia kicked in full throttle...

“Yeah…. but with car keys you don’t hold them up to your ear or touch your face…”

The next day I was totally skeeved out when I noticed he was talking on the phone. I couldn’t get past the fact that he was holding it to his ear after where it had been.

I brought it up over lunch, presuming he would not still be using the urine soaked device.

“So you bought a new phone already?”

“No! I haven’t gotten one yet I’m still using this one temporarily until I get a new one”

“That is so gross! I bet if you put that thing under a black light bulb you’d see blood, urine, and semen stains all over it!”

“Semen? He piff piffed an arrogant laugh at me, “I doubt any guy was rubbing one out in the men's room at Madison Square Garden!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised...this is New York City...”

I was envisioning those Dateline NBC undercover investigations where they use the black lights in hotel rooms to show you all the human waste and secretions left behind on the bed, wall, and carpets….. I have to imagine a public restroom is even worse.

“Does everything still work?”

“One of the technicians opened it up and saw there was condensation on the inside. I'm able to receive calls but not make them.”

“Ewwwww!"

He asked me to call him later that night but I never did.

Now he’s annoyed with me because I refuse to call or text him until he gets a new phone. I can’t contribute to him touching that thing or having it on his ear anymore times than absolutely necessary knowing what I know.

Of course as gross as it all is, I find it equally funny.

“I’m totally blogging this, think of all the urine covered cell phones we can save!”

The moral of the story is: Kangaroo pockets + cell phones = Not a good plan.

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 12:44 AM permalink Comments (2)

Sam woke me up with a text first thing this morning to start my day, "Morning birthday girl!"

And then proceeded to type out lyrics to the Beatles song....

You say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too--yeah
You say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you.

[Cute]

"Rrrmmmm, morning"

"So what's the best birthday gift you could possibly get this year?"

"I already got it"

"and...?"

"And it's a tie...."

"Between?"

"Holding my new nephew for the first time and having Pugsley with me for another year...."

"Awwwww..."

"It's good stuff."

"The best....."

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 07:17 AM permalink Comments (7)

Guy Friend: “You know what your problem is?”

Me: “No, What?”

Guy Friend: “You think like a girl when it comes to relationships but you think like a guy when it comes to sex”.

Me: “But, I thought that was a good thing, you know I can see both sides..”

Guy friend: “Not when you keep finding yourself in failed relationships”

Me: “But sex is what makes the relationship failures tolerable”

Guy Friend: “You have a point there…”

Me: “I know…”

Guy: “But seriously, you need to pick a side and stay there…”

Me: “I have chosen a side”

Guy friend: “So what’s the problem?”

Me: “Blue balls is the problem..”

Guy friend: “Yeah, blue balls are enough to drive a normal person insane”

Me: "That's all I'm saying."

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 05:22 AM permalink

Did you know women get a form of blue balls too after a period of prolonged sexual arousal with no release? It’s called Pelvic Congestion. Bodily tissues swell by increased blood flow and a localized increase in blood pressure. It causes pain, cramping, pressure in the groin area and intense irritability.

Yep. Blue balls.

Posted by Lori in Conversations from the edge at 12:54 AM permalink Comments (3)