Pugsley: aka, the Sausage.
Lori: Loves Pugs. Writing. Food and Fashion.
6:30Am standing in the shower, eyes still squinted tightly closed from the night before, half awake when you reach for the shampoo bottle and proceed to soak up a thick lather working it through from root to tip.... when suddenly it strikes you there is something vaguely familiar but askew about the smell..
That's when you open your eyes, look down at the bottle and make the connection - Malaseb medicated dog shampoo used to treat bacterial and fungal infections in dogs, cats, and horses.
It was bound to happen......Plum has more shampoo bottles in the shower than me.
I don't expect to be doing any itching or scratching on my head or contracting ringworm anytime soon.
On a side note, I don't remember my hair ever being this soft and manageable.
Posted by Lori in Daily , Dogs , Lori , Pug Rescue , Pugs at 7:13 PM permalink Comments (8)
Watching City Slickers and snuggling with a snoring puglet.....perfect way to wind down after a great week!
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the film...
[while Mitch Robbins is delivering the calf (Norman)]
Mitch Robbins: You know, this was not in the brochure...
Mitch Robbins: Look what I did....I made a cow!
Curly: He looks like you.
[when Curly tells Mitch they will be sleeping under the stars together]
Mitch: "Oh God, it's Deliverance."
Mitch: Women need a reason for having sex, men just need a place.
[Phil, the supermarket manager, has gotten a co-worker pregnant]
Ed Furillo: What did you use for protection, paper or plastic?
Curly: I crap bigger than you!
Mitch Robbins: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
Curly: The day ain't over yet...
Phil Berquist: You know you were right, Mitch. My life is a "do-over". It's time to get started.
Cookie: The food's brown, hot, and plenty of it.
Clay Stone: Great gobs of goose shit!
Clay Stone: I feel as happy as a puppy dog with two peters.
Clay Stone: When you three first got here, you were as worthless as hen shit on a pump handle.
Mitch Robbins: Those cows trusted us.
Curly: Yer spookin' the cattle
[Cookie is asked to say something at Curly's burial]
Cookie: Lord, we give you Curly. Try not to piss him off.
Phil Berquist: Let's have some peace and quiet around here for ___ sake! I'm tired! Im stressed out! I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I'm developing some kind of rash from making in the bushes!
Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
[holds up one finger]
Curly: This.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit.
Mitch: But, what is the "one thing?"
Curly: [smiles] That's what *you* have to find out.
Posted by Lori in Lori , Pugs , Television at 8:33 PM permalink Comments (1)
First day on the new job went pretty well. I have a nice corner office with big windows and a sweet view. I received a welcome goodie bag with an Ipod Nano and several other chachki's and my team treated me to a sushi lunch. Life is good.
Of course Miss Plum is not happy with the new schedule after having me home for the past 3 months, but as I told her, she needs her beauty rest. She'll get used to it.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 8:42 PM permalink Comments (6)
It's official.....I am a foster failure! I have adopted Plum :)
Posted by Lori in Lori , Pug Rescue , Pugs at 10:18 AM permalink Comments (18)
I am happy to share some news with you - I have accepted a position as the Director of Interactive Services for one of the industries fastest growing and progressive direct marketing companies.
I'm full on jazzed about the opportunity and can't wait to start digging in!
Posted by Lori in Lori at 3:35 PM permalink Comments (11)
If I were a super hero, which let's face it in my own mind, I am.....this would be my superhero alter ego: Pug Woman!
Pug woman is the protector and defender of helpless pugs on Earth. She creeps out at night in dark alleys seeking justice for the poor pugs that have been wronged in this world. Among Pug Woman's supernatural powers: she can fly, wield a sword like a Japanese warrior, hypnotize unsuspecting cads by gazing into their eyes, catch villains with her double curled tail using it as a whip and snare....and apparently Pug Woman can rock a mean corset too.
Visit Marvel's site to create your own Marvel Super Hero!
Posted by Lori in Lori , Pugs at 3:38 PM permalink Comments (5)
Posted by Lori in Daily , Lori , Pug Rescue , Pugs at 2:29 PM permalink Comments (5)
Whooooo [Deep Exhale]
I am checking into the hospital tomorrow morning for surgery.
The results of my last "less invasive" biopsy were inconclusive so they are proceeding with surgical biopsy that is highly recommend when you are a number 4 on the BI-RADS scale like me.
I am praying to all the pug gods they get what they need this time so they can stop hacking into my boob. The surgeon warned me there is a 5% chance they might not get a good enough sample and would have to do this all over again.
Wtf, they already missed getting enough sample in the needle biopsy, they have a microchip in the spot to be biopsied.... and I'll have a needle marker inserted by the radiologist prior to tomorrow's operation as a guide for the surgeon. That means I'll be sitting around waiting for an hour or longer with a needle sticking in my chest. Presuming the lidocaine will have worn off at that point...Have. already. requested. strong. strong. drugs.
And at my pre surgical consult Dr told me there is a 20% chance it could be something bad requiring further treatment, more mammorgrams and surgeries. Apparantley these are things they are required to tell you before surgery. But now my head is swarming with visions of percentages and hospital gowns, fear of radiation, boob dressings, needles, iv drips, and blood.
Whooooo [another deep exhale]
Praying they get what they need this time and of course that the findings are nothing bad.
I'll be off the blog for the next couple days but would appreciate any good vibes you can send my way.
Posted by Lori in Daily , Lori , health at 1:46 PM permalink Comments (14)
Thanks to everyone for your emails and comments!
The good news is the tissue samples were benign.
The sketchy news is the micro calcifications were too small to show on the slides and the surgeon recommends re- biopsy once the area has a chance to heal. Ugh.
I have to go back for another mammogram in a month and if the micro calcifications still show they want to proceed with a surgical biopsy this time.
If the micro calcifications don't show on the next mammogram, maybe that means they got them all and won't need to anything but keep a close eye.
I guess I'll be doing some research over the next couple weeks as I'm a bit confused about what all this means.
I'm taking it as good news though that nothing bad showed up so far. Phew.
I am a medical misfit!
Posted by Lori in Lori at 5:46 PM permalink Comments (7)
I thought I was all done with cancer scares for a while after having watched my sweet Sausage go from a tiny lump his in left forearm in 2006 to ultimately being riddled with tumors and withering away before my eyes in 2008.
Well here I am having flashbacks to being scared and worried all over again. Only it's me this time. I had an abnormal mammogram on Monday when they found some micro calcification in my left breast that they are calling "suspicious" because of the size and formation.
This morning I underwent a stereotactic biopsy where they basically put your breast into the mammogram plates with full compression while the radiologist inserts a needle and vacuum device. They dig around in a clockwise direction with the needle and suction removing as much of the calcium particles and surrounding tissue as possible. At the end of the biopsy they inserted a titanium marker into the area. They microchipped my boob. This is in the event it does come back as cancer then the surgeon knows exactly where to go. If it's not (God willing) I guess my left boob will be setting off security at the airport terminals whenever I travel.
I consider myself someone with a high threshold for pain but this was so excruciating that I had tears streaming down my face the entire time. It went on for 45 minutes. I think the women reading can get an idea of what I'm talking about.
Men - if you can imagine having one of your balls locked into a vice grip for 45 minutes with needles poking and jabbing removing tissue and fluid, that's what it felt like.
It was fucking barbaric. But necessary I guess. I need to know one way or the other.
Here I sit wrapped in a dressing packed in ice and an ace bandage around my chest that has to stay on for 24 hours. I'm holding onto one of my stuff pugs that still carries a faint smell of the Sausage where he used to bite its nose and ears with his needle teeth and stinky breath. Feeling kinda low and sorry for myself. Still kinda loopy from the tranquilizers they had to give me to hold me down.
Results on Friday.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 7:45 PM permalink Comments (18)
I updated my Facebook status to say, "Lori is blowing easter eggs" and all of my pervy friends came out of the woodwork with the dirty comments. Kind of funny, actually.
Anyway people are interested in how you make the hallowed eggs so here is a little tutorial.
What you do is puncture the ends of the eggs with a pin or I used a nail. Then you blow on one end until all the egg gunk comes out. You have to use a lot of lung power to get it out and be careful not to crack the egg as you're puncturing and blowing. Also it's kind of gross.
After the egg is emptied you fill the holes with hot water and blow that out until the egg is clean. Let dry. In some cases you can patch the holes with whiteout.
While the eggs are drying I like to sketch out my designs.
Then you can decorate however you want. I went to town with the acrylic paints.. and voila, pug eggs!
I can't wait to hide some for my nephew so he can hunt for them. I will keep my one commemorative Sausage egg and plan to sell or raffle the rest at upcoming pug rescue fundraisers.
Happy Easter and Passover.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 12:24 PM permalink Comments (8)
I'll get to Nobu and the other culinary delights of NYC in my next entry.
But first - how could I resist being at the Plaza and having my picture taken with my favorite children's book characters Eloise and Weenie?
Posted by Lori in Lori at 12:15 AM permalink Comments (4)
I'm off to the city. Taking a break from the novel writing to meet up with family and friends for some pre-Easter festivities.
I am so excited to spend time with Cousin Nicole who I've not seen since my 2007 trip to San Fran when we dined at Blowfish in the mission and I ate the best sushi of my life. Best sake too. This time we plan to find the best east coast sushi. My current theory is the west coast rocks sushi better than the east, but that may all change after this trip. I have an open mind.
Items on the itinerary:
• Dinner at Nobu
• Dessert at the Plaza
• Cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery
• Lunch with Stephen
• Coffee with Drea
• Quick stop at Dean and Deluca
• Try on some boyfriend jeans to see if I can pull the look off. I might be too short for cuffing.
Cupcakes and sushi. Oh. My.
I'll try to take some good pictures while I'm there.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 2:25 PM permalink Comments (8)
I LOVE THE TASTE OF Homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs, mashed potatoes with extra butter and salt, soft serve vanilla ice cream with mixed sprinkles, cold roast beef sandwiches with a side of potato salad from the Carnegie Deli, meatloaf and mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, Mint Snapple, tomato basil and mozzarella on a French baguette, fresh cilantro, warm scalloped potatoes, oven roast beef simmered in tawny port wine gravy, salmon sushi with tempura flakes soy sauce and wasabi horseradish, avocado turkey and provolone roll ups, pizza goldfish crackers, sausage pizza with a thin crust, Caymus cabernet and assorted dark fruity oaks, Papua New Guinea and Sumatra coffee, powdered confectioner's sugar sprinkled on French toast, Chips Ahoy! Chocolate chip cookies dunked in cold milk, lobster bisque soup, cream cheese with onions and chives, enchiladas smothered in mole sauce, pineapple bombers with a cherry twist, frozen strawberry margaritas, cider donuts, filet mignon cooked rare on the grill, baked brussel sprouts with caramelized onions drizzled on top, banana bread, fully loaded nachos and baked potatoes, strawberry twizzlers, applesauce pancakes, Five Guys cheeseburgers, dark chocolate lemon crème candies, Carvel ice cream cake chocolate crumbles, lump crabmeat, spicy tuna bowls, beef carpaccio with capers and imported cheese, everything bagels from Arthur Avenue, Thanksgiving gravy made from pan drippings, surf and turf, blueberry tea, macaroni salad with red onions in the summer, fiddleheads sauteed in garlic and butter, sweet corn on the cob, watermelon martini's, crusted goat cheese balls in a light creamy vinaigrette salad, grilled cheese tomato and bacon on whole wheat, home fries and chocolate milk, bohemian beef stew, pot roast in the pressure cooker, pickle juice squeezed on anything with cheese.
I LOVE THE SMELL OF Dean and Deluca's, Waxy Pug ears and stinky Frito feet, baby skin, newly lain hardwood floors, super elastic bubble plastic, puppy breath, white t shirts saturated in man sweat, cotton candy from Yankee candles, fresh cut grass after a spring rain, salt water, the ocean, my grandmother's bible, lavender bubble baths, lingering incense in the Catholic church, aftershave, Hollister store, my bed, sheets air drying on the clothes line, Sunday dinner cooking, lilac trees, sage, sweet grass, eucalyptus, Pugsley's bed, campfires and wooded trails, musty tents, Dolce and Gabbanna's Light Blue perfume, pine trees, tomatoes in the garden, soup greens, Logics shampoo and conditioner, greasy spoon diners, movie theatre popcorn, farms and fresh bailed hay.
I LOVE THE SIGHT OF Green golf courses, river bugs hatching, watching a rainbow rise, pink dogwood trees in bloom, friends smiling faces, bikini lines, newborn puppies, dark hair and blue eyes, perennial gardens, hiking trails, children holding hands with their little friends, snowflakes falling under street lights, rocking chairs on porches, log cabins lakeside, old barns and silo's, wood beamed rustic interiors, black and white photos, Vermont ski house with fireplace and hot tubs, a fresh pedicure with open toed sandals, babies learning how to walk, farm animals, red and white checkered tablecloths at outdoor picnics, pitchers of lemonade and ice tea, twinkling lights on the Christmas tree, glances from across the room, bedroom eyes, fireflies in glass jars, a family taking home their new dog, rolling hills, caves on an adventure, turtles mating on the boardwalk trail, fresh meat counter at Stew Leonards, digging for clams, kids dressed up in Halloween costumes, home after a long trip.
I LOVE THE SOUND OF Music, nature, pug snorts and chortles, uncontrollable laughter, acoustic guitar, sad cellos and violins, creaky wood boards, ecstasy, my BlackBerry vibrating, thunderstorms, clicking clacking dog nails on hardwood floors, trickling rain in the dark with a window open, pilots saying, "we've just landed", my nephew chattering, a golf ball when whacked just right with the 7 iron, cows mooing, horses trotting, dogs dreaming, pigs grunting, firecrackers on the fourth of july, bedtime stories, kindling wood crackling in the fireplace, moans escaping in the dark of night, a guy's voice you wanted to call on your answering machine, harbor seals on Fisherman's Wharf, prospective employers calling to say they received your resume and want to meet with you, wolves howling, Tibetan singing bowls, native drumming, woodpeckers in trees, Broadway theatres, classic movies on a dreary afternoon.
I LOVE THE FEEL OF Lambs wool, Clean sheets fresh from the dryer, baby oil, big arms wrapped around me, loose fitting jeans, pajama bottoms and a tank top, leather seats and couches, down comforters, hot stone massage, wearing nothing but a silk slip, my hair after a really good cut and blow dry, swimming in the lake on a really hot day, fleece bathrobe, tube socks, sleeping on a silk pillowcase, clean shaven lotioned legs, soft skin, hairy stomachs and chests, soaking up the sunshine on a boat or beach, soothing sore muscles in the sauna after a tough workout, slipping into a crisp suit, riding a horse, silky pug ears, pink belly fur, baby folds and skin rolls, endorphins rushing, tongues getting to know one another, warm woolen mittens, lip gloss, warm soup on a cold day, extra hot showers, butt warmers on my car seat.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 2:57 PM permalink Comments (5)
Whenever I find myself searching for answers to life's big questions I do what any self respecting child of the 80's would do. I consult with my magic 8 ball.
Unfortunately I can't tell you the question, or the answer may not come true....but the fact that I'm letting you look up my left nostril should be adequate enough for now.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 5:44 PM permalink Comments (7)
I found this article on Yahoo today. I'm going to apply!
Australia offers 'best job in world' on paradise island
SYDNEY (AFP) - An Australian state is offering internationally what it calls "the best job in the world" -- earning a top salary for lazing around a beautiful tropical island for six months.
The job pays 150,000 Australian dollars (105,000 US dollars) and includes free airfares from the winner's home country to Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland's state government announced on Tuesday.
In return, the "island caretaker" will be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of "a few minor tasks" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.
The successful applicant, who will stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy, must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator and be able to speak and write English.
"They'll also have to talk to media from time to time about what they're doing so they can't be too shy and they'll have to love the sea, the sun, the outdoors," said acting state Premier Paul Lucas.
"The fact that they will be paid to explore the islands of the Great Barrier Reef, swim, snorkel and generally live the Queensland lifestyle makes this undoubtedly the best job in the world."
Posted by Lori in Lori at 11:37 AM permalink Comments (7)
Happy to report Phase 3 is a wrap.
The coup de grâce as you recall, is now complete and it is awesome! Worth all the hard work. I feel so much more productive already.
I need to do something about the wires...... but overall it turned out even better than I thought it would. Not to sound like a total girl....but it even matches my guitar which wasn't intentional but is a nice bonus.
I promised before and after pics: Click the image to view bigger:
Now if you will excuse me while I go crank my new speakers up to some Zeppelin and Queen....
I don't function very well when things are in total disarray. Don't get me wrong I'm no neat freak or OCD type where my surroundings all need to be in perfect order but everything is very much in transition around me at the moment and my reaction is somewhere between balls to the walls let's get it done and latent procrastination resulting in indecisiveness because it all seems a bit overwhelming when in the middle of it.
I'm trying to learn a new operating system with a monitor that is currently sitting on an end table because there is no other place for it. For the life of me I can't seem to figure out in Windows Vista how to enable the intuitive search function so it will interpret my search strokes, turn on the auto spell checker in Word, and remember my logins and password because I'm too aggravated to keep retyping them all. I also don't like the sidebar they put on top of the screen and don't know how to get rid of it. And apparantly not ALL of the applications and stuff I run is compatible with Vista 64-bit. I'm wishing I got 32-bit but its too late now. I'm in too deep to even think about returning anything. I'll have to go out and find workarounds and upgrades to deal with it.
My laptop crashed 3 days before my new computer arrived and it refuses to power back up. I knew it was a matter of time, I was tempting fate and living on the edge for so long which is why I invested in the new system....What I wasn't prepared for was a total lack of power supply. According to my plan, I was supposed to be lap linking (e.g. transferring all files from old computer to new computer) by now. But that isn't happening.
It's especially disturbing because all of my important files were saved on the laptop along with all of my Pugsley pictures and Videos that I CANNOT lose!! The laptop is now at the repair shop and I'm praying it can be fixed. .. jumping up every time the phone rings waiting for the news.
I hated to paint and throw down new rugs afraid the newness and change would take Pug memories further away. To my great surprise, even through 3 coats of paint, numerous trim and the removal of the pug rugs....it still smells like him in here. It isn't logical so it must be that he really is lingering around and he knows I still need those smells. Pug hairs and whiskers keep popping up in the oddest of places....and I couldn't be happier about that.
But back to the disarray -- The walls are done from yellow to green and an empty nook awaits the new computer desk installation.
There are new furniture pieces strewn about the house, temporary placements for hardware, wires coming out of every corner, tripping over them, making sure the grounded plugs are not a fire hazard before I leave to run errands....and big chunks of furniture blocking off doors to hallways.
Yet somehow it all seems so small with other life stuff happening. Loved ones in hospitals and feeling helpless to the ones I want to console.... and another family dog has passed away.
It may be time for another grilled cheese. Or spaghetti and meatballs, I haven't decided which.
How are you doing?
The first week was rough, I won't lie or try to sugarcoat it. The words destruction, devastation, and despair were in the forefront of my mind and heart. It came and went in waves and just when I thought it was starting to get better it hit me harder than it did in the beginning when I realized I had just been floating around in a surreal phase for a while. I cried so many tears that I dried out my eye sockets. Literally, and ended up with a double infection in both corneas. I've been prescribed 3 special kinds of drops to build my tear production back up. Apparently I had none left. Thank you Restasis.
The second week was easier but maybe that's because there were other big bad things going on that distracted me from the grieving process, which may have been a good thing in a way. The biggest change is that I used to enjoy being a homebody and now I find it difficult to sit home without having my little friend here....so I've been going out.....a lot. In fact I am hardly ever home these days. I've adapted by learning to tire myself out by doing things to the point of mental and physical exhaustion so I don't have very much idle time to sit and think. It's just easier right now.
I've put some things away but can't bring myself to part with others just yet. I've found little coping mechanisms that make it easier. Like inhaling his toys and blankets because they still smell so strongly of him. Then there are the videos and pictures which combined with the lingering smells kind of make it feel like he is still here, in a comforting way. I still talk to him too as if he were here, mostly asking him for advice or telling him how much I miss him, or asking him to be my pug angel and help me out with certain things.
Behind it all has been my tremendous network of friends and family who would never let me fall or sink into the emotional abyss. They let me dip my toes in, and that's about it.
I still miss him like crazy but getting the ashes back was closure and I guess I am at peace with it all.
Will you get another dog?
This is the number one question I get asked and probably the one that bothers me the most. I know it's meant with good intentions but.....how? How can I possibly even think of that right now? I won't even entertain the thought. Probably not for years. I understand this is how a lot of people cope like when relationships end and they are able to find comfort in moving quickly from one directly to another, to help soothe the burn. But that is not my way. To me it feels like a betrayal because my heart hasn't really begun to heal. Aside from the emotional elements, it's a huge commitment and not one I am equipped to take on at this point. It's time for me to be selfish and focus on me for a while.
You have to feel good about being the best pug mom ever
Yeah, but......I don't think I am anything special for the way I cared for him. Anyone who knew the Sausage would have done the same. He was more human than most people I know.
Will you keep blogging?
I don't know the answer to this one. I am no fool, I know that Pugsley was the rock star here and the main reason that many of you came to read.
I've thought about ending the blog altogether and closing this chapter. I've toyed with the idea of starting a new anonymous blog where I don't have to water down my content and make it fit for human consumption given the amount of anonymity I've lost as a result of being interviewed by a national newspaper. And then I could get back to why I really started blogging .....without having to worry about what people will think. I've considered a redirect to a new URL but I don't feel like that would be the right thing either.
Whatever I decide I have no immediate plans to shut the blog down. I still have things to say. I still have stuff to work out, and given all the losses in my life lately I think it's important for me to keep as many of my "normal" routines going as possible. While I believe change is good, I think too much change all at once can be a big shock to the system, and not in a good way.
I might put a poll out to my readers on this one. Will you continue to read now that it's just me?
What will you do next?
Well.....I've thought about doing something completely outrageous and unlike me. Like climbing Machu Picchu or going to chant with the monks in Tibet for a couple months. But honestly, I'm not feeling all that energetic right now. Instead I am going to take a much needed rest because I've been pushing really hard for a really long time and I think I need to slam on the brakes and regain some perspective on life. I am going to network and do projects I've been putting off. I am going to sleep, play golf, and go to the gym every day. I'm going to take yoga, Pilates, and kick boxing classes and burn all of my video footage of Pugsley onto DVD's because they are my most valuable possession right now and I never want to lose them. I am going to refuel my mind, body, and spirit and when I'm ready I will go out and kick ass again. Because that is what the Sausage would want me to do.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:42 PM permalink Comments (20)
I got laid off today.....Looks like I am back in the job market again.
Good times.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 10:59 PM permalink Comments (12)
When Jesus gave his greatest sermon, the Sermon on the Mount this is what he spoke to the crowds (found in the 5th, 6th, and 7th chapters of Matthew):
Beatitudes
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Light of the world
You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Go the extra mile
You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
Love your neighbor
You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Giving
Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Pray in secret
When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.
Fasting
Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face so that your fasting will not be noticed by men, but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Judging others
Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye. Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.
Ask, seek, and knock
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he?
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!
The Golden Rule
In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Wide and narrow gates
Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.
Wolves in sheep's clothing
Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits.
Wise and foolish builders
Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell - and great was its fall.
My Blackberry Crackberry
Dunkin Donuts large decaf with cream and two splenda
Pizza Goldfish crackers
Dark chocolate cream filled candies
Trader Joes
eBay
Pug smells
Music
Passion
Internet
Lip balm
Orbits Bubblemint gum
Blogging
Gardening
Slinky
Chocolate milk
Rare roast beef
Sausage and cheese on a hard roll w/ no egg, no butter, and a side of home fries (Mmmmmm)
Digital camera
My bed
Planks
My nephew
Mahjong
Bella Dahl sweats
Kissing
Texting
Sushi on no meat Fridays
Logics shampoo and conditioner
Radio control buttons on my steering wheel
Antibacterial hand sanitizer
Gmail
I guess there are worse things I could be addicted to.....what are some of yours?
On Doctor's orders, I had to stay home and rest this weekend so I can lick this thing once and for all. By day four of my new antibiotics I started feeling a lot better. I guess the last doctor didn't give me the strong enough drugs. Azithromycin 250mg rocks. It's probably what I needed all along. So turns out being stuck home wasn't all that bad. I actually got a lot of stuff done like making a big dent in my Christmas shopping, online style. I gave Pugsley a bath because he was getting kind of ripe, now he is soft and sweet smelling. Also figured it was a good time to get my tree done. See Sausage has never not had a real Xmas tree in his 13 years so who am I to disappoint him at this stage of the game?
Here are some pictures of our tree this year and some of my favorite ornaments. Some people have themed trees. Mine is kind of a collection of all the ornaments that are near and dear to me for various reasons. Though I do seem to have collected a large number of pug ornaments over the years...
Of course Pugsley is my favorite "ornament"
From the Island of Misfit toys, Rudolph, Clarice, and Hermey
Handmade Pugsley ornament made out of a sea shell and up to the right is a gold star that my grandfather made by hand in the 1920's
Country sheep, and hand blow glass pug ornament
I also have a lot of country style ornaments adorning my tree like apples, pine cones, and woodland creatures. I have classic shiny balls, icicles, and a few beaded ornaments that were handmade leftover from the 70's. Sprinkled in are Classic cartoon characters like the Grinch, a full set of all the misfit characters including the Abominable snowman and Yukon Cornelius. A partridge that perches near the tree top. And pugs, lots of pugs.
The doctor confirmed that my Chron’s disease blood test was a false positive result. He doesn’t believe I have it. T.G. After months of testing and ruling everything else out he finally concurs with my initial theory – The antibiotic Doxycycline that I was taking a few months back (the same one that caused the back fungus) actually killed the good bacteria and gut flora in my intestines, thus reeking all kinds of digestive havoc and causing the recurring pain. The treatment is to stop taking the antibiotic, which I did back in September and then it can take months to build up the “good bacteria” again. I think because I’ve been feeling better and the pains are subsiding without medication that must mean the good bacteria is already starting to grow back. To help it along I have to take Acidophilus a pro biotic for a while and I still have to watch what I eat for the next 3 weeks at least. No red meat, no spicy foods, no sushi. That sucks. I’m basically living on pasta and bread right now which is taking me from having lost weight to regaining it fast. That’s okay, I’m just glad to be somewhat healthy again and understand what I’m dealing with. It’s the not knowing that freaks me out. Hopefully I won’t have any recurring issues or damage. The moral of the story is, be careful when you take antibiotics because they may cure one thing but the other things they can cause might be a whole lot worse.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:34 PM permalink Comments (9)
I received a voicemail from my doctor late Friday saying the blood test I took for the Chron's Disease was a false positive result, based on a conversation he had with the Director of the lab. He also said based on the other diagnostic tests I've had, he really doesn't think I have Chron's. Imagine making me think I have this autoimmune disease for weeks. Whatever. I still don't know what's causing the pain, but I've been feeling better lately. Maybe it's just bad IBS. I'm so over doctors right now....but that is great news nonetheless!
Posted by Lori in Lori at 3:18 PM permalink Comments (4)
The lab results came back predicting that I do have Chron's disease but the jury is still out. My doctor was confused by the readings comparing the assays in my variables against the reference variables. It's a complex Serology 7 test based on recognition patterns of algorithms of my blood compared to an average universe of other confirmed variables. Basically it's just predictions based on these assumptions. But my values appear on the results to be way lower than the reference values....so who knows how accurate it is and he is questioning whether it's a false positive and is awaiting a call from the Dr at the lab to explain the results. Annoying. and I have a splitting headache now.
It's also possible that the medication I was taking for 2 months could have caused the small intestine inflammation and damage that appeared on the colonoscopy biopsy. This could work its way out after the medicine has been out of my system another couple of weeks. The only way my Dr is going to agree with the Chron's diagnosis is to run yet another test called a small bowel capsule endoscopy. I basically have to swallow a camera in capsule form while I'm hooked up to wires and a device that reads my small bowel images for 8 hours. If the results show further ulcerations or inflammation, he will agree with the diagnosis and begin treatment with 8 weeks of steroids. If it shows nothing he'll continue treating me for IBS and we will be on the lookout for signs of Chron's in the future. For now I'm back on the Belladonna/phenobarb IBS medicine to see if it helps at all with the abdominal pain and cramping.
And here we have my next homework assignment in these 5 lovely specimen containers that I'm responsible for filling up including the rather large 24 hour urine sample. Meaning every time I pee in the next 24 hours I have to carry the orange jug with me, collect the urine and dump it in. As for the other four containers with handy scraper instrument...these would be for collecting stool samples. Good times.
I received the results back from my biopsies and the only thing of concern is an inflammation in the small intestine where the two small ulcers were. I had to get blood drawn for further tests that insurance doesn’t cover and it has to be sent to some lab in California…it will probably take 4 or 5 days. Until the results come in I will be holding out hope that the ulcers and inflammation is caused by something temporary and curable, something that doesn’t rot away the intestines and attack the immune system…like the things they are testing me for. Ugh.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 6:48 PM permalink Comments (1)
So I'm having a rough week / month. I had a freak accident last night that resulted in a heavy lead crystal ball falling and smashing my left foot. Luckily nothing is fractured, I have a foot contusion and sprain. At the ER they fitted me with this blue and white open toed sneaker bootie and I'm hobbling around on crutches and trying to elevate and ice whenever possible. It's still throbbing 18 hours later.
I'm also having a "Double Dip" on Friday. Exploratory surgery on my insides via both colonoscopy and endoscopy. Luckily I'll be given a Valium / Demerol cocktail which keeps you awake but you don't remember any of it. They are going to biopsy my small and large intestines while they search for things like Celiac's (allergy to wheat gluten), Chron's Disease, and anything else that may explain my symptoms: Abdominal pain mostly in the lower left quadrant, cramping, weight loss, unexplained bruising, unexplained rash, and some other unpleasant symptoms that I won't get into here. What sucks is I can't take any Motrin or Advil or aspirin for my foot because it thins the blood and you can't take it a week before surgery. I won't be blogging Thursday night because I'll be "prepping" for my tests. Not fun. Wish me luck.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 12:46 AM permalink Comments (10)
So I spent my end of summer vacation pondering the true meaning of life and relationships and my connections to other people, male people to be more specific. And I’m happy to say that after some serious ruminating, pontificating, and deep seeded soul searching about what has gone right and what has gone wrong over the years with various suitors, boyfriends, et all, I’ve finally come to the ultimate conclusion that……………they are all f’cked in the head and I rule!! YaHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!@!@!@!@
Haha - the truth is I didn’t do much thinking at all which was exactly what I needed. I slept late (did not get up one morning before 10:30AM). I golfed, fished, lunched, went to the park, spa, spent quality time with Sausage and did some major damage at Baby Gap for my soon-to-be nephew :) I’ve decided that I’m going to be a dangerous Auntie. Have credit card. Will spend on adorable baby clothes.
Now I’m wondering how I’ll get up at 6:00AM when the dreaded alarm clock goes off tomorrow.
Thanks to the guest bloggers who filled in for me while I was gone.
Onward and Upward.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 12:12 AM permalink Comments (1)
By the time you read this, I'll be on a plane en route to California. I will awaken at 5:00AM, leave Connecticut at 7:00 AM EST, arrive in San Francisco @ 1:45 PST, go straight from the airport to a 2 hour meeting, followed by another meeting at 6:30PM, followed by dinner and if I'm lucky I might hit my hotel room at 1:00 AM, which is really 4:00AM my time. The next morning I will leave California at 7:00AM and won't see my home until 8:00PM. Just in time to give Pugs a birthday kiss and tuck him into bed with a couple new toys. Basically, I will cross a continent and back in 36 hours to get home to the Sausage on his milestone birthday. And all the while, I'll have this song stuck in my head, because it reminds me so much of him.
Click the arrow to play:
I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.
The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love, remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.
So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.
Oh, well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.
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Posted by Lori in Lori at 5:13 AM permalink Comments (2)
I go in spurts and phases. Totally on and then totally off, weaving in and out of things, I always have which is a bit contradictory to my nature because what I really crave more than anything is some form of consistency and security. It's complicated. I like it when things are on an even keel but not so much of any one thing that it takes me too far away from my sense of self or interferes with my passions and my freedoms.
I obsess over things, getting my fill to the point of overflowing and then move onto the next thing. I think it's a way to try different things and not get bored or bogged down by the everyday mundane.
Over the years I've done it with everything from exercising, dating, traveling, piano, fishing, movies, to drinking and going out, shopping, fishing, golfing, guitar, writing, sleeping, partying, scrap booking, volunteering, etc.
As a result, I know a little about a lot but am an expert at nothing.
Some people become so fixated on the destination that they stop living in the present and enjoying the moment. I'm just the opposite; I get so caught up on relishing little moments along the journey that I begin to lose sight of the prize...
It's both a blessing, and a detriment.
It's why I started this blog, really. A way to keep consistent with writing and documenting because my nature is to not be.....but it is. I know myself well enough to know that I need to hold myself accountable. It's also why I stopped making New Years resolutions, I'm aware of my flaws and weaknesses. Something that comes with age but awareness isn't always enough to trigger a reaction of change.
In addition to my free wheeling nature, my challenge lately has been finding the time and energy to do the things that keep me whole and grounded.
Enter the balancing act.
Finding time for friends and family and a personal life, caring for Pugsley and giving my all to my career, there isn't a whole lot left over for passions. There aren't enough hours in the weekdays and weekends are spent getting caught up on all the tactical that there isn't time for during the week. Like laundry and grocery shopping, and errands. It's hard to find the time to pursue new passions when you're just skating by with the necessities of life.
I feel like there needs to be two of me to get everything done and at the end of the day I still feel guilty for not calling my friends more, for not paying more attention to the pug, for not writing more chapters in my book, for passing on a date with a new guy who wants to take me wakeboarding on his boat, for not sitting down and finally putting my manuscript together and start meeting with agents, for not taking my laptop to an outdoor café on a sunny afternoon sipping coffee or eating gelato while people watching for inspiration. I want to do it all, and yet I can't seem to find the time.
And I realize at the end of the day it is of course all doable and well within my reach. So I must either be really lazy or really scared of rejection. I know that anyone who ever really wanted something badly enough had to work hard to get it. Had to push past fears and break down barriers. Had to lose sleep and make sacrifices and go out on a limb to attain it.
It's how much you want something. It's how badly you want it to happen. No matter what it is, I believe the formula is simple really; you make time and room in your life for things that matter.
I make time for my work and my journaling and my family and friends and of course for Pugsley. I make time for consistent exercise but I always feel like I could and should be doing more. And then I feel selfish because it seems that the more I give to others, the more I'm taking away from myself. From all the other things I feel guilty about not doing.
It's about pushing past fears and the things that hold us back. It's about going above and beyond when you don't think you have anything left to give and then you give that little bit more and just about when you're teetering on the end of your rope is usually when something unexpected and wonderful happens.
But its getting there...
Even if it means sleepless nights and a couple new wrinkles and some more dark circles under your eyes, even if it means saying no to other things to say yes to yourself. Sometimes you just have to because everyone has their own agenda and the things that matter to you might not matter to someone else. What may seem nonsensical to one, could mean the world to another.
The bottom line is you make time for what's important to you. And I'm starting to get that it's about spending your time with people who make room in their life for you, because you matter to them.
I'm going to make time for a lot of new things this summer and for pursuing my passions more aggressively. Life is too short not to, someone recently said. If I follow that path, then maybe just maybe I'll gain the consistency I crave without losing the self I want to become.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:59 PM permalink Comments (2)
I don't know about you, but more and more it seems I have less and less time to do the things I want to do. I'm also noticing the older we get the harder we have to work at staying healthy. The last few weeks have been filled with a flurry of errands and obligations. There hasn't been any down time to just sit and chill out for five minutes. It's been good in a way so I don't have a lot of time to dwell on the things that bum me out or tick me off. There are a lot of things I realize I just have to let go because frankly I don't have the energy or resources to deal with them right now.
My days are filled with hard work, a lot of protein, whole grains and caffeine to keep me going. My nights are all about 1 hour of cardio 6 times a week and one hour of weight training 3-4 x week. Lunges, squats, triceps and bicep curls, leg presses, lat pull downs, deltoid raises, shoulder raises and a whole series of crunches. I've been working really hard at getting myself back into shape after my neck injury. It's been a long grueling road but it's finally starting to pay off. Muscles do have memory and mine seem to be much happier when they are strong and active. I've been spasm-free and bone rotation free for 2 months now, which is somewhat of a miracle considering the stress I'm under. And as predicted, my head gear had nothing to do with it.
I've joined the gym and have been seeing a personal trainer who's working on building my upper body strength to support my neck. Of course, the trainer doesn't just work on the upper body; he works on my entire body. Basically he kicks my ass (quite literally) for an hour each session with high reps and little or no rest in between. We've been going slowly at first learning the proper positions for my neck and making sure I don't do anything to trigger a misalignment. It must be working because I just had my yearly physical and the Dr. said he almost didn't recognize me from where I was 3 months ago. Additionally, I have the blood pressure of a teenager, my cholesterol is text book, and I'm the picture of health, were his exact words. He told me that my commitment to a healthy diet and consistent exercise is truly paying off and if I keep it up through the years I should be able to avoid a lot of health related issues. The funny thing is the gym fees are still way cheaper than the $150 a week I was paying the physical therapist.
In between the working and working out, I've been shuffling Pugsley off to doctors, rescuing other pugs. Juggling phone conferences, appointments, cocktail parties in the city, happy hours, lunch with friends, dinner with family, shopping for appliances that have broken (vacuum and digital camera both in the same week) and I still have to file my income taxes, Single with 0 dependents yet again. So sad. There hasn't even been much time for blogging, I'm afraid. Next week I'm heading out to San Francisco for Ad Tech and I have about a 100 things to do before I leave. Right now, I'm preparing myself emotionally for having to leave my poor old wounded little Sausage for 5 whole days. *sigh* That's like over a month in dog time. I'll probably have to drink a lot out there just to be able to handle it.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 8:44 PM permalink Comments (3)
The first day of my new diet began with a trip to the golden arches for a number 3, otherwise and most affectionately known as a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese and a large fry. Mmmmm, my favorite fast food guilty pleasure!
Sounds strange right? Let me back up......that was the last day I knew I'd be sinking my teeth into anything quite so tasty and juicy for a while, so I went out with a bang in preparation for the long road ahead. It's not that I've been making those kinds of trips often or over indulging in any sort of excess. It's just that I gained a few pounds as a result of the neck injury and being immobile for so long. What are you gonna do? Besides lose the 5 lbs before they become 10 or 15 or 20 and so on.....Most people probably couldn't even tell, but I can and that's enough. So now that I'm hyper mobile and have been in the gym for 3 weeks so far without injury, it has spurred me back into this health and fitness mode that's making me feel better each week. It's like the more I workout, the better I feel. It's been a blessing after being in pain so long.
So Lent came and I admit it was a convenient sacrifice this year. Imagine, a convenient holy obligation. And I wondered what to give up. What would be the hardest thing for you to give up? I wondered if it would be wrong and self serving to go the fasting route. But Jesus did it and lately I feel like I've been wandering around the desert resisting temptations anyway, so it would be kind of fitting.
In church they tell you not to let your hunger show and not to be boastful about your sacrifice. The gospel according to Luke teaches you to wear loose clothing when you fast so nobody can see and to dab red wine on your pale cheeks so only the Lord knows of your hunger and suffering. Now, given the fact that they probably didn't have Clinique counters back in 40 AD, I am making the assumption here that its okay for me to use some of my cheek stain in black honey, rather than break out a bottle of Merlot...
So I guess that means I shouldn't be blogging this either, but I think it's okay because number one I'm a writer and also because I don't feel like I'm suffering, at all. I can't give up meat because my body needs the protein to function. At first it was just sugar, but that seemed too easy. So I've been off refined white carbs, starches, and sugars for 15 days and counting. I'll end it with Easter, if I can last that long.
I can be resolute when I make up my mind, and I've never minded going without. It always makes me appreciate that which I don't have all the more when I can have it again. And I think that's sort of the point.
It's like South Beach meets the Sea of Galilee, in my own little world.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 10:54 PM permalink Comments (0)
So I guess it was a big weekend in new hairstyles, what with Britney shaving her head completely bald and all. I found it rather sad and alarming and it made me wonder how with all of that adoration and money she could not have even one normal person in her life looking out for her wellbeing, helping her to make the right decisions. For the love of God, will somebody please help this girl before it's too late?
Anyway, I didn't do anything quite that drastic to my locks, as I believe all of my marbles are for the most part still in tact. T.G. But I decided to take a couple inches off and change up the color a tad, going a little darker blonde by adding some highlights and low lights. Now my old blonde has highlights of brownish gold instead of just blonde on blonde. For me, this is drastic. I don't know....what do you think?
Posted by Lori in Lori at 12:01 AM permalink Comments (11)
So I got spoiled with all of my favorite things this year. The sweetest sights and sounds and touches and smells.
Carvel Ice Cream cake
Foot Cheese Pizza
Flowers from Pugsley
Batch of frozen Slump with a bow on top!
Home made movies
Blueberry tea and the smile SL braved for me even though this was her tough week. Thanks SL!
Birthday kisses
Wine and smelly candles
and confectioners sugar on french toast
It was a delicious birthday all around.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:03 PM permalink Comments (5)
Found at Nicoles:
1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
visited family on the West coast.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any resolutions for 2006, I don’t like setting myself up for failure. I’m a realist.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
not that I can think of
4. Did anyone close to you die?
no one close
5. What countries did you visit?
none I stayed in the good old USA.
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
a relationship.
7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 9th - the day I started my new job.
April 15th - my brother got married.
July 8th - one hot summer night.
August 19th - when I was driving to the salon on a sunny Saturday afternoon and my cell phone rang. It was Pugsley’s Dr. in a very somber tone calling to tell me his biopsy results were not what we were hoping to hear.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Landing a job that I love. It’s fast and furious, fun and entertaining, challenging and rewarding plus I’ve gotten to know some really great people.
9. What was your biggest failure?
not making more time for friends.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
my neck and migraines.
My legs getting burnt from the electric butt warmers in my Jeep. *update, the burns have healed and faded but it took 8 months!*
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Pugsley’s homeopathic cancer medicine
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
SL’s – she’s the best sister in law a girl could have and she gets extra merits for quitting smoking this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
This award goes to Kelly P and her creepy boyfriend, Mike. If there was an award for ignorance, foolishness, and making false judgments that are way off base, they would win that too. Kelly, you're sneaky but not very smart.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Pugsley’s medical bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
sex.
16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
How to Save a Life, Hemorrhage, Sugar we’re going down
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier in some ways, sadder in others
b) thinner or fatter? About the same
c) richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
exercise.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying. It doesn’t change anything.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas Eve with family and friends and I spent Christmas day on the couch with the Pug because we were both sick.
21. How will you be spending New Years?
I’m not sure, I don’t plan that far ahead.
22. Did you fall in love in 2006?
no.
23. How many one-night stands?
depends on the definition of a one night stand.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Nip/Tuck
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
There are people I don’t care for and people I feel sorry for, but I don’t hate anyone. I don’t believe in hatred.
26. What was the best book you read?
I didn’t read any books in 2006.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Learning to play Walk the Line on my guitar.
28. What did you want and get?
things I am not at liberty to say here.
29. What did you want and not get?
more of # 15
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Charlottes Web and the Nativity Story was good too.
31. What did you do on your birthday?
My family took me out to dinner.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
an honest passionate relationship.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
During the week, it’s work-appropriate and on weekends it’s classic but designer trendy with maybe some hint of boho and comfortable at all times.
34. What kept you sane?
Pugsley, blogging, and friendships.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
hmmm, none really.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
none, politics bores me.
37. Who did you miss?
friends who’ve lost touch and my grandparents.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I don’t like to play favorites so I’ll skip this one.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
That it would be impossible to please everyone all the time, so you shouldn’t waste your time trying. Also, that there are a lot of angry bitter people in the world and it is the bigger person who takes the high road and turns the other cheek. It’s best not to even waste valuable time and energy engaging them in their foolery.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You think you know me
Word on the street is that you do
You want my history
What others tell you won't be true
I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep
Nobody's really seen my million subtleties
Got stains on my t-shirt and I'm the biggest flirt
Right now I'm solo, but that will be changing eventually,
I laugh more than I cry
You piss me off, good-bye
Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark
If you want my auto, want my autobiography
Baby, just ask me
I was starting to feel it, a little. The familiar nostalgic churnings in my stomach, my heart starting to grow 3 sizes bigger, like the Grinch. The blinky bulbs and twinkly lights of the holiday season and kindness to your fellow man. Little acts of kindness like letting people out in traffic, holding the door open for the person behind you, letting others go first in line. Forgiveness. Tree trimming, gift giving, friend visiting, I was started to get into it, really I was. Reveling in what would be Pugsley’s most special Christmas ever. And then bam, I am down. Way down. How did I get here?
I hate to whine about being sick or complain so I don’t like to talk about it for the most part but pain is something that levels me and doctors bring me down. I hate how they make you wait an hour and then only see you for 2 minutes. Just to write out a prescription for a drug with side effects and the risks of taking it are far worse than the actual symptoms you are trying to cure.
I actually sat in one waiting room in a paper thin gown freezing and trembling with no support for my neck in the exam room -- while two doors down I could hear my Dr. arguing with his wife or girlfriend about his work schedule and when they would be able to go Xmas shopping together because he had ER rotation until 11:00 that night. WTF? The conversation seemed to go on and on as I sat there listening and seething in pain, gritting my teeth while my blood boiled at the mere fact that he thinks his time is more valuable than mine. I waited and waited and could feel myself slipping back into my Grinch-like state. The nurses knew I was pissed because they kept coming in to apologize that he was taking so long. They could hear him carrying on like a schoolboy with his tail between his legs. So incredibly rude and unprofessional. I was even more pissed when he finally came in and spent only 2 minutes with me. He was literally walking out the door as I was still asking him questions. How the fuck did these people graduate medical school anyway? This isn’t an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t know about you but where I live there are no Dr. McDreamy’s and McSteamy’s, only McWeenies.
To top it off, now I’m sick with a sore throat and cold. Most likely from germs that I've contracted at one of the many doctors offices I’ve been to in the last couple weeks. I am totally miserable. I’m out of work until after the holiday. I’ll try to make this the last entry about my ailments, I don’t want to bring anyone else down. Least of all, me.
I get cranky when I’m sick and I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to walk. I don’t want to eat. Nothing tastes good or feels good. I just want to lie on the couch and wallow with Pugsley and my TV Land reruns. I must be PMSing too, I was just watching Little House on the Prairie. It was the “100 Mile Walk Home” episode where a hailstorm devastates Pa’s crop and suddenly he has to return some work horses he bought and he was no longer able to buy new dresses for Ma and the girls, or a rocking horse for Carrie. The catastrophe forces Pa and his fellow farmers to leave town and seek blasting work from a faraway quarry. While the men folk of Walnut Grove are all laboring miles away, the women are left behind to harvest what is left of their crops. Next thing I know, I’m balling my eyes out when Pa comes home tired and weary, only to find his women had all pulled together for him. So freaking uplifting! They just don’t make TV shows like this anymore... PMS alright. But I think I was born in the wrong time. I would have done well as a pioneer woman. I could have baked my own bread and planted my own crop, lived off the land and sewed my own clothes. I’m not sure how I would look in a bonnet, but I could have braided my hair and ate kettle popcorn in bed with my farmer husband every night, in a little house with a fieldstone fireplace, and children to teach morals and lessons to. Poor but happy.
But when it rains it pours and this may sound a little weird and I swear it’s not the vicodin or muscle relaxers talking – but do you remember in ET when Elliot started to feel ET’s pain and emotions and vice versa? I think that’s what is happening now with me and Pugsley. When I’m down, he is down. He started limping 2 days ago on his left front paw. He did get tangled up in a thicket bush the other morning, so first I checked his paw for a thorn or pricker, but found nothing. He is eating like normal and playing toys and able to jump up and lay down, but he’s just…..I don’t know, kind of sad and hobbling around with a limpy gait and his stance is all twisted and crooked, like his neck his hurting him too. I have to take him to the vet tomorrow to see what’s going on. There is a word for it, I think it’s transference or something when two living beings are so connected that they can feel one another’s feelings. I think it must be sympathy pain. It makes me gut it out and be strong for him. Gives me a reason to trudge on and reminds me that the littlest of Christmas miracles happen everyday. On quiet couches with perfect plastic prescription bottles and crumpled up tissues.
Shit. I was trying so hard to avoid this. I wanted every entry leading up to Christmas, to just be blithe and bony little tales about Christmas and all the holiday magic and splendor. But the truth is there is other shit going on, more medical drama with this pain in my neck that is getting worse and now weakness in my arms too. After seeing 5 doctors, to make a long story short I have some new information. It’s easier for me to write it down and keep track of it somewhere other than in my head. This way when the 6th doctor asks me to retell the story of where we are and what has been done, at least I have it here to refer back to.
Here is what I know:
My Liver functions are normal
Lyhmes is negative
CBC – my White blood cells are high but not in a danger zone. They are telling me this isn’t odd for this time of year, maybe I’m carrying a virus. This has sort of been shelved for now since my PC Dr. doesn’t return phone calls.
Fine but I’ve been feeling like shit – not flu like shit. All pain in my upper torso shit, centralized at the middle section of my neck. When I’m not working or driving, I’ve been living and breathing on vicodin, non steroidal anti inflammatories, muscle relaxers, pain killers, heat therapy, water therapy, physical therapy, blood work, x-rays MRIs. Been to see chiropractor, regular Dr., Emergency room doctor, orthopedist, neurologist, now they are sending me to a pain specialist because none of the rest of them know what to do with me.
Now I’m tired of doctors who think that their time is any more valuable than mine, pharmacies who never have my prescriptions ready when they’re supposed to be, tired of doctors offices with sick people, waiting rooms and germs and vomit on the restroom floor, receptionists, referrals, forms, privacy policies, insurance companies arguing with what to cover and what not to cover, tired of the phlebotomists raping my veins.
The Brain MRI has been put on hold until the neck is stable. Though the Dr. did prescribe some immitrex for my migraines that they suspect is related to the neck pain from all the nerves at the base of my neck are connected to my brain.
The one thing they all can agree on is this. The CSpine MRI’s and X-Rays show that my spine does not have a normal forward curve; it’s straight like an arrow, a sign of muscle spasms. Well no shit, I’m the one that’s been telling them my muscles are in chronic spasm mode. I can obviously feel it. But why? What caused it and what can fix it? And how much longer do I have to live with it, this incessant pain that never goes away. This is what they can’t seem to tell me. The orthopedist and neurologist agree that my problem is chronic cervical strain. That is medical jargon for all the muscles, tendons, and ligaments in my neck are continually strained, inflamed, and spasming, which explains why my neck always hurts and the pain radiates out to my shoulders and arms. Normal everyday activates like using the elliptical machine and decorating my tree are aggravating the underlying conditions, so I can’t do any of them. Yet I’m not supposed to be inactive either because that can make it worse. I feel helpless, old and alone. I feel like crying.
So where does it come from? Nobody can seem to tell me. I draw my own theories based on pure logic of when this all started 3 years ago, but none of them seem to like my theories, even though they have yet to produce a better one.
So how do they make it go away? They are basically throwing several modalities at me hoping one will take:
• STOP seeing the chiropractor immediately
• Work on loosening the muscles in my neck area.
• physical therapy
• heat therapy
• muscle relaxers
• 12 hour lidocane patches
• avoid stress (yea right!)
• Cortisone shots and epidural blocks – that’s big honking needles in my neck. As you can see from my left arm up there, I have a big problem with needles.
I am just praying for some relief by the beginning of the New Year. Starting tomorrow night I’ll be blogging on muscle relaxers and pain killers. Might make for some interesting reading and writing anyhow.
Every year I go to the local fire department to pick out our Christmas tree. It’s right down the road and I figure why not support the local crew. This year, Pugsley came along in his Christmas sweater and helped choose just the right green spruce. Of course he wanted to lift his leg on every tree, which resulted in me carrying him around for most of the outing.
Another tradition of mine is that I add a new country ornament to my collections every year. I go for pigs or sheep or cows, or some type of primitive farm animal. I found this silly country pig with wings and trees on them and a curly tail made out of wire.
Perhaps the most important of all holiday traditions is the gross consumption of Baileys Irish cream. It must be drunk in the winter beginning on the day I get my tree and going throughout the months of December and January. I do have to be careful of Pugsley though. One year when I left a glass of Baileys on the coffee table he helped himself and got a little shall we say…loaded. This was many years ago but the funny thing is that he totally remembers the taste and smell. One whiff of Baileys and he gets a mad hankering and starts going crazy. Hee hee.
What are some of your holiday traditions?
Here are some things I've asked Santa for this year:
Gift certificates to any of the following:
Salon & Spa
Paypal
Sephora
Amazon
Pajamagram in pink plaid
Junior mints, Mike and Ikes, or Jujy Fruit
Pet Odor candles in Mulberry & Spice or Clothesline Fresh
Yoga mat
Drop light for my gym
2 Yoga blocks (for squats....my left knee clicks if I don't use a bolster)
Socks (white crew and colored cotton)
Heating pad (what can I say, I’m old!)
Gloves – blue or brown
New pair of running sneakers
Wen Shampoo in Fig
What's on your Christmas list this year?
The last two years I made big long lists of all the things I’m thankful for. They were all inclusive lists, paying homage to my friends and family and giving thanks for all the little everyday things we take for granted. Of course, I’m still very thankful for the same things so I won’t be redundant by repeating them all. This year I’m listing the biggest thing I’m thankful for.
As you all know, the biggest thing that’s happened this year is the big C. It’s been 3 months and right now I am highly thankful for Pugsley’s health.
I’m thankful for the cancer being reduced from a grade 3 to a grade 2.
Thankful the margins from his second surgery were clean.
Thankful for finding the best doctor in his field for Pugsley’s treatment and ongoing care.
Thankful for not having to put him through any intense chemical treatments that would compromise the quality of his life.
Thankful that he is doing great on his natural treatments.
Thankful that he’s never been more excited at mealtime.
Thankful that he’s just enjoying this quiet time in all of his royal Puggyness.
And while I’m at it, both of my brother’s dogs have been sick lately but as of right now they are both doing better. I am thankful for them too.
What are you most thankful for this year?
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:51 PM permalink Comments (4)
Just in case you thought I was exaggerating about what the phlebotomist did to my vein, check out the bruise on my arm.
I wonder what my cervix looks like.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 8:14 PM permalink Comments (2)
I reached for my morning pill and as soon as I swallowed, I knew something just wasn’t right. It was the same shape and bottle as mine, but I quickly realized I just ate one of Pugsley’s Clavamox.
I wonder if anything weird will happen, like I get the urge to start barking or lick my feet.
I’ve been thinking a lot about our civil liberties lately. Specifically, liberties pertaining to the First Amendment…because I don’t pretend to know everything, but I do know this much, you have to put yourself out there if you ever hope to get something back in return. Thank God we live in a world where not only is that possible; it’s also our basic constitutional right.
I am proud to be an American. I am proud to live in a country that celebrates diversity, appreciates art, recognizes talent, and offers endless opportunities. Proud to live in a country where you only have to want something badly enough and go after it with all your might in order to obtain it. Whatever that something is to you, In our country anything is possible.
I am proud to live in a country where I don’t have to hide my skin or walk 8 steps behind my husband. I’m proud to live in a country that helps other countries, where I can vote for who I want. Marry or not marry who I want. Live where I want. Choose to follow any religion that I want, or choose to follow no religion if that is what I want.
I’m proud to be surrounded by people who support me, respect me, and care about me. Proud that I don’t let everyone else affect me negatively. I’m proud to live my life the way I think I should be living it and not the way someone else is telling me I have to live it. I’m proud to be a good sister, friend, daughter, and helper of animals. Proud that I was raised to be someone who is honest, loyal, and committed to pursuing their passions, perfecting their art and their work. Proud that I’m not living my life pretending to be something I’m not or anything other than what I am. I’m proud to be a blogger who writes with humor and conviction, truth and realism, sadness and hope. I’m proud that I use my site to inspire, make people laugh, raise awareness, and do good when I can. I am proud to live in a country that lets me have a voice and to use that voice in a way that allows me to be true to myself. I am proud to live in a country that supports Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Expression, and Freedom of thought. I am going to sleep tonight feeling proud. I hope you do too.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 11:14 PM permalink Comments (3)
50% knew that I am a scant 5’3, sans heels.
I was surprised that 70% of people think I’m not a natural blonde. I am.
A lot of people knew my lucky number is 4.
75% of you knew the word that best describes me is Honest. But a couple people got tricked up by choosing stubborn and outgoing. Stubborn? Yes. Outgoing? More Ingoing really.
Only 30% of you knew that I would most like to go on vacation to Montana. Someday in the near future, I really want to go out to Big Sky country and be a cowgirl for a week. Like City Slickers and a River Runs Through It. I’d like to stay on a ranch, ride horses, see the Blackfoot River, maybe cast a line or two.
Most people knew my biggest turn on is the truth and my biggest turn off is lies. That means you must be paying attention.
Only half of you knew my scariest animal is a snake. I hate snakes. I fear any creature that has no legs or arms. It's not natural.
60% knew my ultimate happy ending.
99% of you knew my favorite smell in the world is Pugsley’s feet. I guess if I have made nothing else clear on this blog in the past 2 years, that is an excellent take away.
Who is lifeguard? They scored 100%.
How well do you think you know me?
Let's find out -- take the Lori Quiz
Then come back here and tell me what you scored.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 7:09 AM permalink Comments (4)
Q. What do you get when you cross Irish and Swiss DNA with the sun and salt water?
A. Burnt Skin
My chest looks even worse.
Right, so a group of friends invited me to spend the day at the Misquamicut State beach in the great Ocean State of Rhode Island. We staked out our spot on the beach where we snacked, drank, and tanned for the first half of the morning. Pomegranate Martinis from the bar. Later on, it was a short walk down the beach to Paddy’s bar for lunch and afternoon dance party. Everything was fun until a fight broke out and beer bottles were smashed into faces and the cops came. Lame. Also lame was a Portuguese Man o War infestation, so swimming was out for me. With my luck, I would be the one to get stung and have a severe allergic reaction. After that it was a different vibe, we headed back to the mellow beach where I developed a crush on a heroic lifeguard. I would have been happy just staying there watching him run and rescue into the rip tide all day.
View Beach Pics Here
Sorry to my Rhode Island blog friends who I missed this time, I’m planning another R.I. trip in August; maybe we can meet up then?
Time to go put my udder cream on now.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 8:44 PM permalink Comments (2)
So as I was saying, at the wedding from start to finish the one thing everyone wanted to know was why I’m still single. I don’t just mean a couple people, I mean everyone. I know people weren’t asking to be cruel, they were genuinely curious or concerned or something. I don't get why people are so fixated on my marital status like there is something wrong with me because I'm not.
My life doesn’t suck. I have a good job, good family, great friends. I’m healthy, surrounded by pugs, I’m pursuing my passions, I was in USA Today for Christ sake and I get paid in free underwear to write whatever the hell I want. I don’t know too many people who can say all of that. Why doesn’t anyone focus on what I do have instead of what I don’t have?
The grilling was relentless. I had to start doling out different answers just to make it a game and keep it interesting for myself. And if it wasn’t the why, it was the “You’re next!” It got to the point by the end of the night I started telling men at the bar that I’m really into women now. It was easier. Easier than launching into some long twisted stale diatribe recounting every failed relationship over the last 20 years, dating disasters, hits and near misses. and even when I tried a different tactic and my answer was a hopeful “who knows, maybe I will someday” the response was, “Well you better hurry!” Talk about depressing. Don’t people realize it’s not cool and it hurts?
Honestly, I don’t feel the need to walk up to people and needle them about sensitive personal information…”So, why don’t you have a better job?” “So, how long have you been in couples therapy?” “Why didn’t you ever go to college?” “Why did you get a divorce?” Why did you get a DWI last year? "Why did your business fail and you had to file bankruptcy?" Fuck. No! I don’t because I'm considerate of people's feelings and because it’s none of my business. Because I suspect if they wanted me to know, they would bring it up first. God! I wasn’t even going to blog about it because I don’t want to give it that much power and I’m sick to death of hearing it and living it. But then I realized people will keep asking. At the next function, at the gas station, at fucking Walmart. I realized for practical purposes, it might just be easier for me to condense my answers into one bulleted clear and concise well documented list and the next time someone wants to know why I’m still single I’ll just send them here to read it so I don’t have to keep repeating myself or get caught off guard.
In fact, I’m thinking it would be wise to have business cards done up with the permalink to this entry. http://www.pugsplace.com/blog/000483.php, then when someone asks, I can just whip it out of my wallet and simply say, "go here".
It’s such an unreasonable question to ask too. It’s not like there is any ONE thing, it’s a combination of a lifetime of things that have led me to exactly where I am today, and here’s what pisses me off the most -- I’m comfortable with where I am and who I am, so why isn’t everyone else?
I’m not a lesbian, I’m not a man hater, I’m not hard to get along with, I am not a feminist, I’m not anti-marriage. I’m a good catch. Of course I’d like to be married, of course I’d like the white picket fence and happy ever after but I haven’t found it yet. So what if it’s taken me longer. Shit people, life isn’t the way it's supposed to be, It's the way it is.
1) Because I’m afraid of divorce and haven’t been in a relationship where I was convinced it wouldn’t end up that way. Or the other party wasn’t.
2) Because the last one didn’t work out. Shit happens, I’m over it.
3) Because I’m picky, it’s my life and I SHOULD be picky with who I choose to spend it with.
4) Because I’m not going to marry someone just for the sake of marrying someone. I had opportunities and offers, 3 different offers. I refused them all because I’ll only marry someone if it’s right. None of them were right.
5) Because I’m not unhappy on my own
6) Because I haven’t met Mr. Right and haven’t been willing to settle for Mr. Maybe.
7) Because of bad timing
8) Because of geographical disadvantages
9) Because it’s taken all this time for me to become a person who is capable of being happy and of making someone else happy the way they deserve to be. I have a lot more to give now.
10) Because I have to live my life on my own watch, nobody else’s.
With all that said, I’d like to add one more thing. I don't believe that I will end up alone. It’s just a feeling. It may not be conventional or traditional. It may not be for another 5 or 10 years. Everyone can think I’ve missed the boat or done something wrong. But I know deep down that I’ve remained true to my convictions and followed my heart. And I have faith that eventually I’ll be rewarded for it in a way, place, and time that is right, for me.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 9:00 PM permalink Comments (19)
It’s that time of year again when all of my clocks catch up. The clocks I never bothered to set back in the Fall are now magically telling the actual time again. It also means no more driving home from work in the dark. My Iris, trout plants, and tulips are already poking through the ground, reemerging after the white winter thaw to decorate my landscape in pretty shades of purple, blue, pale pink, and lavender. Rainbow trout in pools upstream, Pugsley chasing the birds in the yard, kadydids and peepers singing me to sleep, vacations and road trips, wearing skirts, gardening, a Spring wedding. Even the April showers, I’m looking forward to it all. Especially Autumn -- when I don’t have to set my clocks back because eventually, time on its own will make everything right again.
Posted by Lori in Lori at 7:31 PM permalink Comments (1)
Sunday afternoon @ the grocery store.
Produce department: I’m looking for raw ingredients to make a recipe that one of our Pug Rescue vets said is great for dogs with upset bellies. I was awoken Saturday morning to some serious gurgling and swishing noises next to my pillow, creeks and eeks that sounded like a haunted house emanating from Pugsley’s stomach.
The recipe calls for Free Range Chicken (no antibiotics or unnatural fillers)
1 sweet potato
1 regular potato
1 turnip.
Boil all ingredients and mash together for happy pug tummy.
FYI – If you’ve never prepared a waxed turnip before you have to chisel your way into it with a butcher knife and a hammer.
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Alright, so maybe I'm not as tough as I thought I was after the shotgun post.
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Sunday afternoon I met Dad up at his Rod and Gun club for some target practice. Nothing pleases him more than when I can pull something off as good or better than my brothers can. It's been that way my whole life. I think this is why I am equal parts girly girl and tomboy. I like to make him proud so I'm down with the boy stuff.
That's how it always starts with these things but somewhere along the way my pride takes a backseat to the experience and I start to really get into it.
He wanted me to start small with a 410 or 20 gauge but I insisted on the bigger gun that he uses. There's something so powerful and dangerous about firing a gun. I get high from the adrenaline rush as I'm aiming for the target, just before I release the safety and pull on the trigger. My heart starts pounding and I'm holding the gun steady staring directly down the barrell towards the tip of the silver bead. The back of the gun is pressed tightly up against my right shoulder, legs spaced apart so the sheer force of the kick doesn't knock me on my ass when I fire.
BAM!
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After being fixed to Fox News for the last week watching all the devastation that's occured down South, it was nice to just chill this weekend with Pugsley and the family. Saturday was my brothers Birthday / annual Labor Day bash and so the whacky celebration ensued. I can tell you now that he laughed out loud when he opened up the Box O' Hellgrammites that I wrapped in Birthday paper and all.. The River bugs were well received.
The other highlight of the party for me was spending time with my wild and crazy cousins who I don't see nearly enough. I have to tell you I love these cousins and now they all have children who are chips off the old block to adore too.
They are the side of the family who hugs, kisses, and says I Love you everytime. They are the cousins I used to play with when our families would go on picnics and camping. Sleepovers, bowling, and rollerskating parties. The cousins I learned to swim in the lake with when our fathers and uncles threw us out of the boat into the deep end.
It’s important to feel understood by people who get you, who were reared with similar values. The people who knew you when.. The family who isn’t afraid to tie on a good drunk in front of the elders, start singing at the top of our lungs, or dance like fools when nobody else is and just not care. Yes we did all of these things. It's nothing new though, we've been carrying on this way for years. But we were long overdue.
I've been hearing a lot of horrific stories in the news about people trying to get out of New Orleans alive and having to leave their pets behind. Hearing about Shelters that don't allow animals so they have no place to go. I can't imagine any situation where I would leave Pugsley behind. I really feel that if a shelter didn't allow me to bring Pugsley, I wouldn't go. But the reality is that many people don't know where their families or pets are right now. And I guess it's all made me put my little problems into perspective and feel grateful for the things I do have. Like knowing where my family and friends are all sleeping tonight. Like frolicking on the lawn with Pugsley or taking him for a car ride.
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"If I had a remembrance book" is how Laura Ingalls Wilder began her story. She didn't keep a journal as a child. It wasn’t until her later years at age 63 that she was able to recount the stories and write about them in vivid detail of her childhood growing up on a farm as a Frontier girl. Post mortem, she became one of the most popular and beloved American writers to date.
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Is there something you have always wondered about me? Here is your chance to ask any question you want to know and I will respond in comments with my answers. Unless I think it's too personal in which I case I will say so.
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Is it wrong to have feelings for a fictitious ape or that I am strangely attracted to him?
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In case you were sleeping in a cave last night and missed the new King Kong trailer that aired on almost every channel for 2.5 minutes of pure fantasy and bliss, click on the picture to view it for yourself. As I’ve documented here before, I've been obsessed with King Kong since 1976 when I saw the Dino DiLaurentis version at the tender and impressionable age of 6. It really impacted me in ways I can't explain. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to see a movie. Ever. The fact that it’s a Peter Jackson film and that Naomi Watts is playing Ann Darrow, is just the icing on the cake. It’s going to be a cathartic experience for me in 6 more months when the movie premieres.
Lori is one of my daily reads. I enjoy her writing and stories. I love that she loves Pugsley and other animals so much. We share that similarity. I'm still getting to know Lori but the more I read her blog the more I feel as though I'm getting to know her more and more. I find that she's an inspiration in her writing and workout routines.
I have not met her in person but I do feel like she's a friend, a friend I'm getting to know. It's funny, if I see something "PUG" I would say, oh Lori would love this. When I went to visit my friends in DC, they also have pugs and I was getting confused and found myself calling one of the Pugsley...LOL!
Happy Weekend Lori and Pugsley
Lauren
Well, I've finally done it...started my Spring Training, the workouts have commenced. I really had no excuse to keep procrastinating with the T.V and Treadmill in place. My pal Toni has also been wanting a co-conspirator, a work out buddy to keep her motivated. She will do the same for me.
As a result, we have started a new blog, Tech Girls Rock. Essentially, it will be our online exercise journal where we will be held accountable for our actions. Thanks to modern technology, Toni who lives in Kentucky and me here from Connecticut will both co-author our new blog project. Stop by and say hello, track our progress, hold us accountable!! The more the merrier..see you there.
Saturday
10:30am – Go to the glass shop to see about replacing my 6 foot mirror that I had in my home gym but shattered into a million pieces 2 weeks ago. Owner tries to sell me a piece of ¼ inch beveled glass 7 ft tall by 4 ft wide. I jimmy him down to 6 x 3 and 1/8 inch glass. He does his best to argue distortion, I tell him I like the distortion, it makes me look thinner. No beveling required, it's not NY Sports club, it's my spare room. I get what I want.
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Well, it's almost that time of year when I'll turn 29 again.
Friday is my birthday. I think anything will top last year
when I spent January 7th hospitalized with a poisoned liver.
Now in case any of you were wondering what to get me this year,
Here are a couple of gift ideas :)
Pugtini Print (extra points for framing)
Gift Card to Adam Broderick (so I can stay waxed and coifed)
Anything from my Amazon Wishlist
Or even better than spending money on me, go VOTE
for me at the 2005 Bloggies!! Plenty of categories like:
"Best New Blog", "Best MEME" , "Best-Kept-Secret Blog"
If only there was a prize for Best Dog Blog...maybe next year.
But hurry, voting ends 1/10/05
Toasting the New Year
with new friends and old
Food was eaten, liquor consumed
Toasts and Resolutions were made
Goodbye 2004, a thousand times goodbye..
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Click Image to make Bigger
--
A Wise man once said,
"It's not the destination
but the journey that counts."
And with that in mind, I was inspired
to write down some of the important
things I learned this year.
Things I've Learned in 2004
No matter how much you love, miss, and care for someone, if they have hurt or disappointed you more than they’ve made you happy then it’s time to let go. I know this one may sound obvious but the heart can’t always comprehend what the mind logically knows.
You learn to surround yourself with people who do care about you, who would never hurt or abandon you.
If you’re feeling rage and desire all at the same time, chances are good the thing you are raging and desiring over is not necessarily the grand prize that your inner child thinks it is.
Some of Life’s best surprises happen when you rekindle an old friendship or start a new one.
If you have your health, family, friends, and animals who mean the world to you and you to them, then you have more than most.
If you are involved with a man who is ambivalent to you in any way shape or form, chances are very good that "he is just not that into you". You should walk away and find one who really is into you because you deserve no less.
Intellectualizing and obsessing won’t change the past.
I've learned that there are people who would rather be "right" than be in your life. Would rather win an argument than win your respect.
I’ve learned that getting older isn’t about wrinkles and running out of time. It’s about learning to live with regret, loss and pain. It’s about overcoming insurmountable obstacles and making mistakes because we are human. It’s about not beating yourself up for misplacing your pride or dignity during a mistake of the heart. It’s about taking away a lesson that you carry on and learn not to repeat.
It’s about learning to survive disappointment and unfathomable loss and then coming out on the other side a stronger, more knowledgeable, compassionate, and forgiving person for having gone through it. It’s about perfecting your character and building inner strength because you will need to call upon these tools later on when even worse stuff happens. It’s about training for the great marathon of life.
It’s about learning how to pour more life into your half-empty glass because nobody else will fill it up for you.
You do it for yourself and you do it to honor what was, what never can be again, and what has yet to be in the future.
You realize that you may be the only one who is alone at the holiday party but if you force yourself to go, you will not feel lonely.
If you find yourself unhappy in a situation, don’t get caught up in complaining about it. You take action and make some changes to put yourself into a better situation. This applies to work, relationships, etc. Life is too short to be involved in anything that compromises your quality of life or those around you.
You learn that eventually the songs you once couldn’t bare to listen to (because they conjured up too many painful memories and images) end up becoming your anthem and theme songs. Then one day you catch yourself driving down the road doing the sing-along and you realize you’ve just hit a milestone.
You learn to take things hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week, nurturing your soul in between the milestones.
Your memory starts to return and you recall that you were once a strong, peaceful, glowing spirit to be reckoned with and you learn that you can be again.
I’ve learned that there is no “perfect closure” and that sometimes if you go looking for it in false places to get a temporary "fix" that will only create more sense of loss. It can put you back at square one in the healing process.
I’ve learned that grief has its own rhythm and that there is no set timetable or process for how or when someone recovers from a loss. Everyone has their own way of dealing and healing.
You learn that when it’s too painful to pull out the Christmas ornaments that you purchased together, you have to force yourself to do it anyway. You buy your own tree and you "decorate your own soul”. You string up your own lights without the help of a 6-foot man. You get creative and figure out that you can toss a balled-up string of lights around the back of the tree, walk around and repeat. You make your own traditions and create your own rituals and you learn that while you may wish he was there you don’t actually need him there…
You learn that it will cause you great pangs of sadness to sit alone and stare at the soft flickering lights of the tree that you enjoyed so much year after year as "two". But now you are "one" and you realize that you can’t run or hide from it. You have to plant yourself in front of the tree, invite the pain in and let yourself feel it. You have to own it, embrace it, and make yourself vulnerable to it like it is your best friend or a new lover.
And you learn that in confronting the sadness you can make peace with it. You learn that the tree is a symbol of your strength and independence. You put up the tree because life goes on, and because it pleases the pug.
People who have inspired me this year with their strength and brought me comfort during dark days: Toni, Nicholas, Laura, Juliette, Nicole, Jim G., Linda V., Sean, Amanda, Karen G. Thank you!!
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East, South, West, North,
In Sacred Space I call you forth
Bring your Spirit and your grace,
Live within this sacred space.
Read about my Journey into the Sweatlodge
It was this time last year when all the trouble began. The symptoms were subtle and gradual, weakness and muscle fatigue developed, sore eyes, and vision straining. All changes that I easily had written off as stress and anxiety due to the demands of my job, working in retail during the busiest time of the year. I was growing progressively more exhausted but pressed on through my holiday obligations. There was the Christmas shopping for every last human and canine on my list, the entertaining, nursing Pugsley back to health from the surgery he just had after Isaac the beagle attacked him, all the while working overtime at my job.
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Even though I was out until 3:00am, I made it up early enough Sunday morning (Thank God for Daylight Savings time) to go to the Horse Farm as planned, where I will be volunteering by way of grooming, feeding, and walking the horses.
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In no particular order, here is a random list of 100 things about me.
1. I Love Pugs and do volunteer pug rescue work for PPRA.org
2. I started this website so I would write everyday and so I could have a place to watch Pugsley on his Pugcams while I am away from home but it’s turned into a mish-mosh of our lives and my stories..
3. I like to write, I keep an online journal (3 blogs), offline journal, write poetry, screenplays, newspaper/magazine articles, and someday would like to pen the great American Novel. Or at least a pug book.
4. I enjoy learning web design and new technologies
5. I am a geek at heart
6. Writing is my true passion and creative outlet.
7. I am a country girl
8. I like to plant things, watch them grow, and tend to them.
9. My vegetable garden consists of sweet corn, green beans, carrots, cucumbers, and plum tomatoes
10. In my herb garden is rosemary, chives, oregano, parsley, basil, thyme
11. I can be dark and moody
12. I’ve always been introspective
13. I’m a romantic at heart
14. I have an obsession with Monkeys
15. I’m a Daddy’s girl
16. He’s part American Indian and has taught me a lot about appreciating nature, the woods, rivers, trees, plants, etc.
17. I believe you should treat people the same way they treat you but always with dignity and pride
18. I am allergic to a lot of medicines and ended up with a failing liver from Drug-Induced Hepatitis from an anti-biotic I was taking.
19. I get bikini waxes and write about them
20. I'm stubborn and impatient
21. I can be very stubborn and headstrong
22. I have a strong sense of smell, taste, and touch but my hearing sucks
23. My mind is able to recall tons of details
24. I remember dreams in vivid detail from years and years ago. I can also lucid dream sometimes and I have recurring dreams too.
25. I fly fish with my brothers and my Dad
26. My parents divorced when I was 13
27. I don’t feel sorry for myself for anything I’ve had to go through
28. I’ve learned to see hardships and life challenges as a gift that makes me the stronger person I am today
29. Oprah is an inspiration to me
30. I Love David Lynch films. Especially Blue Velvet and Wild at Heart
31. I LOVE to grocery shop at Trader Joes once a week
32. My favorite staple items are Balsamic Rosemary Chicken, Cilantro Salad Dressing, Whole Wheat Pita Chips, Wasabi Peas, and fresh flowers for Pugsley
33. I like sushi
34. Especially Brown Rice sushi
35. It takes me a long time to trust people
36. I’ve been hurt a lot
37. I have a small core group of close friends who I’ve known for years, some 20 years
38. Once I let them in, I am fiercely loyal
39. Sometimes to my own detriment
40. I was born under the Chinese Zodiac “Year of the Dog”
41. Dogs are fiercely loyal and love unconditionally, even remaining loyal to those who abuse them
42. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the word “God” spelled backwards is “Dog”
43. I have felt the presence of God while in the presence of dogs, many times
44. I feel that dogs are a calling in my life and part of my soul’s destiny to answer the call
45. I’m not sure how yet but believe I am on the right path to figuring it out
46. I Love my brothers
47. Even though they get crabby
48. I feel like they “get me”
49. I believe it is important to feel “understood” by those close to you for peace of mind
50. I am very family-oriented
51. I often give more than I get
52. I prefer it that way when it comes to gifts
53. but like it to be equal in matters of sharing thoughts and feelings
54. But I usually am the one doing more talking and sharing
55. I don’t like the way it feels to hold things inside, it makes me physically ill
56. I think it’s important to speak what’s on one’s mind and in their heart
57. Life is too short to keep it all bottled up and not say what you feel
58. My life is like an open book, for the whole world to read (just read my blog)
59. I have nothing to hide
60. I think it's silly to hide who you really are, it’s a waste of time and a form of lying to yourself and others
61. put it out there into the universe, you may be surprised at what you get back
62. my last relationship didn’t work because he communicated nothing and I concealed nothing
63. It was fun while it lasted though
64. But I guess he didn’t think so ;-(
65. I believe in Karma
66. I Love to sleep, sleep, sleep. My bed is one of my favorite places in the whole world
67. I Love Six Feet Under and Nip/Tuck . They are both very dark and disturbing.
68. I think like a man in a lot of ways.
69. I have a lot more empathy and compassion for others now than I had in my twenties
70. I hate celery
71. I hate cold tuna fish, I like it at room temp.
72. I like to listen to my music really loud in the car, especially on my way to work in the morning.
73. I have texture problems with certain foods that are too slimy, chewy, grainy, or crunchy.
74. When I’m sad or stressed out about something, I lose my appetite for food.
75. I carry all of my stress in my neck, shoulders and my stomach.
76. I always fall for men who are unavailable either physically or emotionally. I think it’s the challenge
77. I’m 5’3, 110 lbs. I’m petite but curvy
78. I workout and am committed to living a healthy lifestyle
79. My one vice is that I am an on and off smoker. I’m always trying to quit but haven’t quite been able to lick it just yet.
80. I want children someday
81. I like being a tomboy
82. But I enjoy being girly too
83. I love pigs, cows, and goats, and all farm animals – one of my favorite movies is Babe – I stopped eating Ham after I saw it
84. I love horses too, especially riding them
85. I love the smell of fresh cut grass
86. I love the way Pugsley’s feet smell like Fritos corn chips
87. I am shy, it’s hard for me to approach people. I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert
88. People sometimes misread that and think I am cold or aloof or stuck up but it’s FAR from the truth
89. I belong to the Catholic Church
90. I love my grandparents who instilled those values in me
91. I believe I will be reunited with them someday, I miss them terribly
92. I feel sorry for people who don’t believe in Heaven, it must be sad to think that this is as good as it gets and you never see your loved ones again
93. I have to believe that Pugsley and I will meet up at Rainbow Bridge someday
94. My friends and family think I am too attached to Pugsley
95. I will probably need to be medicated when the day comes that I have to say goodbye to him
96. But I don’t think that means I should love him any less
97. I think it means I should love him and spoil him as much as possible while I can!
98. Pugsley is the longest relationship with a male that I have ever had – 11+ years so far
99. and he has been the best
100. I believe in the old saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”
